Getting Nervous

Gosh, less then a week away. The doctor's office called on Friday just to "confirm my appt". Oh my gracious I think I swallowed my heart. EEEK! Just 5 days away from the fork in the road!! Oh my...

I am approximately every emotion that you can think of right about now!!! Excited, terrified, nervous, scared, hopeful, cautious....I am just not sure what to do with all of this. I found myself super duper weepy yesterday at church. One of my bro's friends just had their 3rd baby boy, and I found myself crying at the innocence of being with your husband and having a family. I was thinking about how we are moving forward, away from innocence and the product of love, to technology, science, cold and calculated. This is not how I expected to have a baby. With a team of doctors, nurses, and embryologists involved. I expected to fall in love, get married, be with my husband, and the product of that love to produce children. Heck, my hubby might not even be in the room if/when I get pregnant...How weird is that??

Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about the chance to get pregnant, that we have an opportunity to try for a child, I'm just grieving the loss of the innocence that is to come from becoming a mom. I'm not supposed to know the inner most workings of the female and male reproductive system. I know more about things, then even some of my doctors know. I mean come on, who can tell when they are ovulating based on amount/type of cervical mucous? That is more then ANYONE should have to know about their body!! Sheesh. And don't get me started on the sperm cycle. HA.

I guess, I'm just sad at the fact that this has come down to technology. But if it works, I'll surely get over it. I'm just a jumble of emotions and feelings and wonderment of all of this. And as each day creeps closer to THE day, I get more nervous, more anticipatory, and wonder, what is coming in our lives. Is this the end? Or will this be the beginning???

God give me the strength and guide me into Your will. It is the only place I want to be!!! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we embark on this journey. Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!