Praising God for closure...

WOW...OK so I was talking with my Mom in law (MIL) today and updating her on our appt this week. We were talking about Matt and I buying a home down the road and how Matt and I decided to put house hunting on hold and to solely focus on IVF and trying for a baby. Fact is, we can buy a house anytime, heck when I'm 50 we can, the market won't change so drastically that a new home won't be available to us in the future. But we can't try for a baby when I'm 50 or 40, or probably 35 for that matter. I'm running out of time, speaking from experience with some messed up girlie parts. I'm ready to run head on into trying for our baby, to grasp this last chance that we have. Because after this, we're done trying for a bio child, whether a baby comes or not. This fork in the road has split, and we aren't taking any further "bio" paths after this try is done. Yowsa, what hard pill to swallow!!

We continued to chat about God's timing, how He brought us to this place in our lives, this time in our lives so that we could try for a baby...That only b/c my job changed, and Matt's job changed, and our lives calmed down, and finances balanced, and this insurance became available...Only b/c numerous things came together in perfect unity, is there even an opportunity for us to proceed with IVF. Dunno about you but I see God's hand in all of this. But as we were chatting, in passing I mentioned how God is bringing us finality, that we are going to have closure. We will either have a child biologically, or we won't. No more of this hanging in the land of "unknown". Cuz lemme tell you it sucks to be going no where fast. To have no idea of what is to come, if its to come. Monitoring every cycle, watching every symptom, every sign of when conception is possible, or not. Then wondering as the end of a month comes, am I early, am I late? Is it possible that it happened? Could I be? No I'm not. And crushed month after month. I can't take that anymore. Even if IVF fails, and I have to grief the loss of a bio child, I will be OK. B/c for me, I will have done everything, tried everything. I won't be stuck in the land of "what ifs". I'll have walked all the paths. And I told my MIL, how nice it will be to be finished. No more unknown. Because this will bring me closure. And in the midst of the chaos, and the anticipation of whats to come, I'm praising God for closure.

We will have a bio child...

Or we won't...

But either way, it will be finished. And I can move on with my life, either as a new mom, or a potential adoptive mom, or a family of 2 with only the furry children. New doors, new journeys, new life is opening up to us and all because of God's great timing in all things. You'd think after YEARS I'd remember, its all within His timing and it lies within His hands. Silly me...

I know it may not make a lot of sense. How can something not working bring peace, but I know in my heart of hearts, however this turns out, I will be OK. WE will be OK. I will exalt my Lord, even if my heart is crushed. I will praise Him in the blessing, and in the pain. I WILL PRAISE HIM IN ALL THINGS...

Thank you for your continued prayers and support! It means the world to us! Have a blessed day in the Lord.