And time for some updates to the blog!!
I plan on doing some doodling, updating the blog, new pictures, design, layout. I think its time! New day, new journey new DESIGN!
So here we are again! We have a beautiful 2 year old little boy, the joy of our life! Matt has a new job, he is working at our church in the IT department, I'm still busy at the hospital, we have our BEAUTIFUL new home! Life is GOOD...
And yet our hearts are aching again.
You see, we have entered a NEW category of Infertility (IF) called SECONDARY infertility. We remain unable to conceive a child on our own, we remain requiring several thousand dollars to do a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET), therefore we remain INFERTILE. The secondary part means that we have a child in our arms that is biological, but we are unable to conceive after many months of no contraception or birth control.
And secondary IF or SI comes with its own bag of heartache and frustration. You see, how can I even THINK of having a hurting heart? MY ARMS ARE FULL with this healthy baby boy! (all tho not so baby anymore!). How dare I feel twinges and those old familiar feelings when those I love wind up pregnant and I'm not? Its not like I'm still PRIMARY IF, where I'm still waiting to have a child of my own, I HAVE a beautiful son. Yet SI has brought me to my knees once again, heart weeping, ache heavy, and sorrow filled as I pray for God to bless us with the second child we so hope for. BUT with SI also comes guilt. Guilt because I HAVE my precious son and I should not be so selfish or sound so ungrateful.
And yet, my heart aches.
We have begun a new journey in the world of IF. And I'm not a fan. I want this deep imbedded ache to GO AWAY. I don't WANT the trauma and heartache of IF anymore, and yet, my heart aches.
So we are back. Back to share our journey with you, back to allow me a place to vent and write and pray for this second child that we feel God has out there for us. Wondering if we will be reunited with our precious frozen embies and where this journey will lead. Back to hopefully teach and educate and love on those in our path, and continue to allow God to have his way while we wait...
So thankful for another day of grace, and a God who loves me wholly and completely, even in the midst of my faults and heartache...
Have a BLESSED day in the Lord!
