Friday, December 3, 2010

Forgive me for my long absense...

I have just been a bad unmotivated blogger!! BAD ME. I'm so sorry to those faithful readers who have been keeping up on what is going on in the Mac Household....

Baby update...I'm 26 weeks pregnant!! Amazing isn't it? I'm getting rather round and large, Sammy is growing just as he should. He is healthy and thriving and everything is going according to plan. The house is, well, a mess and no where ready for a baby, but I'm hoping in time that will change. I still marvel at the miracle growing inside of me. It is REALLY real, he truly exists inside me! And he makes himself evident by using my bladder as his own personal trampoline. :-) We are abundantly blessed.

We are getting ready for Christmas. Our tree is up and I'm going for the 5th annual cookie sweatshop this weekend. I can't wait! It will be a blast. My friend H has her little almost 6 month old baby girl and I'll have my 6 1/2 month belly....Who ever knew that we would be here, celebrating the birth of our saviour together and the existence of our children. OUR children! MY CHILD. Wow, it just overwhelms me!!! GOD IS GOOD!

I was reading my online friend, Thelma's, blog. She swiped a post and I swiped it from her...It just touched my heart. Its a little long but worth the read. Its a powerful reminder of our need to thank God in the blessings, and in the storms. Because without the storms, we'd never see the promise of a rainbow. And that in the end, He ALWAYS remains faithful and merciful. And I praise Him for that. I am not worth of the blessings God has brought into my life. Have a blessed day in the Lord. Enjoy...

The Blessing of Thorns
Sandra felt as low as the heels of her shoes as she pushed against a November gust and the florist shop door. Her life had been easy, like a spring breeze. Then in the fourth month of her second pregnancy, a minor automobile accident stole her ease.
During this Thanksgiving week she would have delivered a son. She grieved over her loss. As if that weren't enough, her husband's company threatened a transfer. Then her sister, whose annual holiday visit she coveted, called saying she could not come.

What's worse, Sandra's friend infuriated her by suggesting her grief was a God-given path to maturity that would allow her to empathize with others who suffer. "She has no idea what I'm feeling," thought Sandra with a shudder.

"Thanksgiving? Thankful for what?" she wondered aloud. For a careless driver whose truck was hardly scratched when he rear-ended her? For an airbag that saved her life but took that of her child?

"Good afternoon, can I help you?" The shop clerk's approach startled her.

"I...I need an arrangement," stammered Sandra, "for Thanksgiving?"

"Do you want beautiful but ordinary, or would you like to challenge the day with a customer favorite I call the Thanksgiving Special?" asked the shop clerk. "I'm convinced that flowers tell stories," she continued. "Are you looking for something that conveys gratitude this Thanksgiving?

"Not exactly!" Sandra blurted out. "In the last five months, everything that could go wrong has gone wrong. " Sandra regretted her outburst, and was surprised when the shop clerk said, "I have the perfect arrangement for you."

Then the door's small bell rang, and the shop clerk said, "Hi Barbara...let me get your order." She politely excused herself and walked toward a small workroom, then quickly reappeared, carrying an arrangement of greenery, bows, and long-stemmed thorny roses.

Except the ends of the rose stems were neatly snipped...there were no flowers.

"Want this in a box?" asked the clerk.

Sandra watched for the customer's response. Was this a joke? Who would want rose stems with no flowers!?! She waited for laughter, but neither woman laughed.

"Yes, please." Barbara replied with an appreciative smile.

"You'd think after three years of getting the special, I wouldn't be so moved by its significance, but I can feel it right here, all over again," she said as she gently tapped her chest.

"Uh," stammered Sandra, "that lady just left with, uh... she just left with no flowers!"

"Right...I cut off the flowers. That's the Special... I call it the Thanksgiving Thorns Bouquet.

"Oh, come on, you can't tell me someone is willing to pay for that?" exclaimed Sandra.

"Barbara came into the shop three years ago feeling very much like you feel today," explained the clerk. "She thought she had very little to be thankful for. She had lost her father to cancer, the family business was failing, her son was into drugs, and she was facing major surgery."

"That same year I had lost my husband, "continued the clerk," and for the first time in my life, I had to spend the holidays alone. I had no children, no husband, no family nearby, and too great a debt to allow any travel.

"So what did you do?" asked Sandra. "I learned to be thankful for thorns," answered the clerk quietly. "I've always thanked God for good things in life and never thought to ask Him why those good things happened to me, but when bad stuff hit, did I ever ask! It took time for me to learn that dark times are important. I always enjoyed the 'flowers' of life, but it took thorns to show me the beauty of God's comfort. You know, the Bible says that God comforts us when we're afflicted, and from His consolation we learn to comfort others."

Sandra sucked in her breath as she thought about the very thing her friend had tried to tell her. "I guess the truth is I don't want comfort. I've lost a baby and I'm angry with God."

Just then someone else walked in the shop.

"Hey, Phil!" shouted the clerk to the balding, rotund man.

"My wife sent me in to get our usual Thanksgiving arrangement... twelve thorny, long-stemmed stems!" laughed Phil as the clerk handed him a tissue-wrapped arrangement from the refrigerator.

"Those are for your wife?" asked Sandra incredulously. "Do you mind me asking why she wants something that looks like that?

"No...I'm glad you asked," Phil replied. "Four years ago my wife and I nearly divorced. After forty years, we were in a real mess, but with the Lord's grace and guidance, we slogged through problem after problem. He rescued our marriage. Jenny here (the clerk) told me she kept a vase of rose stems to remind her of what she learned from "thorny" times, and that was good enough for me. I took home some of those stems. My wife and I decided to label each one for a specific "problem" and give thanks to Him for what that problem taught us."

As Phil paid the clerk, he said to Sandra, "I highly recommend the Special!"

"I don't know if I can be thankful for the thorns in my life." Sandra said to the clerk. "It's all too... fresh."

"Well," the clerk replied carefully, "my experience has shown me that thorns make roses more precious. We treasure God's providential care more during trouble than at any other time. Remember, it was a crown of thorns that Jesus wore so we might know His love. Don't resent the thorns."

Tears rolled down Sandra's cheeks. For the first time since the accident, she loosened her grip on resentment. "I'll take those twelve long-stemmed thorns, please," she managed to choke out.

"I hoped you would," said the clerk gently. "I'll have them ready in a minute."

"Thank you. What do I owe you?" asked Sandra.

"Nothing." said the clerk. "Nothing but a promise to allow God to heal your heart. The first year's arrangement is always on me." The clerk smiled and handed a card to Sandra. "I'll attach this card to your arrangement, but maybe you'd like to read it first."

It read: "Dear God, I have never thanked you for my thorns. I have thanked you a thousand times for my roses, but never once for my thorns. Teach me the glory of the cross I bear; teach me the value of my thorns. Show me that I have climbed closer to you along the path of pain. Show me that, through my tears, the colors of your rainbow look much more brilliant."
"Through Jesus, therefore, let us continually offer to God a sacrifice of praise—the fruit of lips that openly profess his name. And do not forget to do good and to share with others, for with such sacrifices God is pleased." ~ Hebrews 13:15&16

Tuesday, October 12, 2010

Happy 32nd Birthday!

to me!!!

And what a fabulous bday its been!!! Oh this is by far the best and forever bestest birthday ever!

I am, now, a double sweet 16 girl!! Hard to believe I'm 32 y/o!! I was inundated with "happy birthday's" and sweet words and just an overwhelming amount of love from friends and family!! It was a beautiful start to my day!

Not only that, today is the day we found out what this little bean is!!! This child did NOT want to cooperate (that shoulda been a clue to the sex right there! HA) So after 45 minutes of poking and prodding and moving and pushing my belly around, the tech was able to see a little present between the legs!! It's a BOY!!! We are so excited!! Samuel Russell MacIntosh should make his appearance in March of next year!! Funny how everyone was thinking GIRL GIRL GIRL except for a small handful of folks, and yet, its definitely BOY BOY BOY!!! I'm so excited and Matt is THROUGH THE ROOF crazy!!! We are blessed!!!

I'm having issues getting the u/s on the computer, but Sammy is 18w5d gestation right now!

So Matt and I were mean. I'll admit it, but it was a BLAST messing with mom and dad!!! (This being their first grandkid, we wanted to mess with their minds!!) We decided that we wanted to tease them and let them know that the kid did NOT cooperate and b/c of it we won't know for ANOTHER 4 weeks what we are having. (I know so cruel heh heh heh) My buddy H and I schemed up a plan, and she made us wonderful homemade cupcakes (they were DEVINE sister! let me tell you! THANK YOU!) and on them we wrote out "WE LIED ITS A ______" with letters to fill in the blank.











So of course we found out its a boy and I proceeded to call mom and just go on and on about how this kid didn't spread eagle and I'm so frustrated and upset and just laid it on thick. They took us out to dinner for my bday and we brought the cupcakes (with the BOY filling in the blank cupcakes) and gave it to the waiter for later. So continued our story of boo hoo and no sex known and blah blah and just laid it on thick. AND they fell for it HOOK LINE AND SINKER! HA!

So finally at dessert, i got the camera ready and out came the cupcakes in a little container and M/D helped open it up and dad is reading, and studying and all of a sudden goes " WE LIED ITS A BOY?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?" and this is the picture we got!!!











Oh it was fantastic! Not a dry eye around and even the waiters and other customers were teary eyed!!
It was just fantastic!! Lots of smiles and excitement!! It was just so much fun!!! So here they are holding their GRANDSON'S pictures!!!











I hope you enjoyed!!! As always thank you for all your prayers and support!! It has just been fabulous and such a blessing in our life! We are so honored to now SHARE WITH YOU the miracle of our BABY SON!! God is good!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, September 16, 2010

15 Weeks!!! :-)

Hello my fellow blog folk!!!

Can you believe it? I am officially one week into my SECOND TRIMESTER!!! God is so good. And this is still so surreal! I'm just in awe day by day that I truly am pregnant and the desire of our hearts is really a part of me right now!!! I'm so grateful to God for this little one that is growing inside of me!!! I'm still just so humbled that God said YES and brought on this blessing!!!

I'm feeling pretty good, getting there. Still very very tired, but able to eat! :-) hee hee. Thankfully I'm still about 10lbs under from where I started. I saw my OB yesterday. Baby is GREAT, BP was GREAT, my weight is the same as it was 4 weeks ago (all tho I'd lost like 4 lbs and have gained that back) So I'm still breaking even for them which is good, no gain in 4 weeks. However I believe that is about to change! HA! OB was VERY pleased and just tickled pink with how I'm progressing. He's such a sweetie!!! Just unreal that this is happening!! But it gets a little more real each time I go and hear that heartbeat!!!

HR was 160-170. I recorded the heartbeat, its so cool!! hee hee... then I texted it to everyone!! Well those who would care about hearing Jr.'s heartbeat! HA. It is locked in the computer but I have been unsuccessful in uploading it to the blog!! Sorry folks but I tried! I have no idea how to get a sound byte on to blogger!

So that's pretty much it. I'm slowly trying to work my way through the closets and clean stuff out and get ready to move the house around to make room for baby. One project at a time. Thankfully we still have about 6 months! Even then I don't think we'll be ready for this one 100%. But we'll see. ;-)

That is all for now! Nothing else new to report! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, September 12, 2010

Night of Joy

So we spent the weekend in the HAPPIEST PLACE ON EARTH!!! I love Disney World!! Matt and I had not been there in over 5 years. Our dear friend J went with us and the three of us trekked to Disney's Night of Joy. Basically for those who don't know, its an evening thing 7pm-1am and its just full of Christian music and singers along with all the fun/rides/food/etc. It is a blast and so uplifting to the soul!!!

Hundreds of Thousands of people worshiping God together!! In the middle of Magic Kingdom, well you just can't get better then that! We saw Chris Tomlin, Mercy Me, Group 1 Crew, Casting Crowns and heard a bunch of others that were playing through the two nights.

I was very blessed because the only reason I could go is J pushed my fat tush all over Disney in a wheelchair. We had other plans to have Matt drag me with the power chair, but alas, Disney rent-a-chair's did not roll so well and we ended up crashing into baby carriages rather then moving forward together! EEK. He was such a blessing b/c I never ever woulda been able to go and handle the heat/humidity and all that walking!!! But he claims he had a blast too!! So I don't feel too bad! :-) I'm really grateful for his care and generosity b/c it was a wonderful weekend!! I'm so glad we went!!

So Pictures were being silly so I'll just have to post the link to go check out the Photos. PHOTOBUCKET

That is all for now!! I know I've been a little behind in posting, but I'm only JUST starting to feel better and have some energy!! But more to come! Promise!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, August 16, 2010

I apologize for my absence...

But its been just a little crazy here! and I'm feeling quite poorly. Guess I'm preggie! :-)

I'll start with saying little bean is doing well. I'm 10w4d right now and ready and willing to move into the next trimester. I'm kinda going backwards. I'm more nauseous, pukey, sore boobs and bleh NOW further into the 1st trimester, then I was the 1st 8 weeks. An online bud of mine reminded me that my HCG levels are now DROPPING and progesterone is RISING, so the flux in hormones may be causing this fun time I'm having! I'm just not a fan of uncontrollably puking in my bathroom sink! GAG. My belly is pooching, but I'm still looking more like a fattER girl, then a preggie girl, but I'm sure the time is coming! I'm definitely in maternity pants now b/c there is no buckle in my closet that will button at this time! HA

So TMI is coming...You have been warned!!

So update on the "crazy". Matt and I had a scare Saturday a week ago (the 7th). We were going about our day debating if we wanted to go out when I began to bleed heavy bright red flow. It was not just a little spot here or there, but rather an extremely heavy flow (heavier then a period). It lasted about 1/2 hour and then stopped as fast as it started. Thankfully we were both HOME and not out and about or work, church, store or anywhere else where soaking through your pants with blood wound have been horrifying to the people around you. And thankfully Matt was with me as I began to panic. He immediately just held me as i sobbed, wept with me and held my belly praying for our child. We were sure that this baby was being taken from us. I cleaned up, laid down and we called the OB, FRANTIC. I could not contain the tears, this was our baby our miracle child God had given us, and the thought of loosing her now, just was heart crushing and devastating. We, of course, were directed to the ER so they could figure out what was going on.

We quickly grabbed everything and went to our local ER, it was pouring, Matt go DRENCHED getting out of the van. Of course it was so very busy in the ER, but they were kind enough to get me back to a room in 1/2 hr so I could lie down. The tears flowed freely just praying for this child. So many people started praying for us. (its amazing what a quick post on Facebook will do!) My brother, who was at my mom's when we called her, was so awesome and got his small group prayer chain going and before we knew it there were DOZENS of people praying for us and our baby. We were able to finally calm down and just pray and hold each other, begging God to keep our baby here, protect her from whatever this was.

We were finally seen (and of course it was old home week as our nurse and like 1/2 the ER staff were all folks I worked with or knew from somewhere!) and amazingly the bleeding was completely GONE. Not a drop, and hadn't been since we were home...So odd, but reassuring. The doc performed a pelvic (oiy poor area is just so violated) and had me straight cath'd!! ACK! No matter what the nurse said about it "not hurting" was a LIE! And lemme tell you she was lying to the wrong chick! Sheesh. But during the exam, not a drop of blood and a closed cervix. Praise God. Labs were all normal, but we were waiting for the u/s. That was going to be our definitive answer....Were we going to see/hear a heartbeat.

Finally almost 4 HOURS after getting to the ER, they took me back to u/s. Thankfully Matt was at my side. It of course was internal as Jr. is still very small. I couldn't see the screen, and I just asked the tech to please let me know if the heartbeat was there, I didn't need anything else, just that. She told me she couldn't tell me yay or nay but better yet...turned on the Doppler. And we could hear the wonderful flutter of a heartbeat!!! Praise be to God!!! Can I tell you that Matt and I just melted into a puddle of praise and tears. Our little one was alive and well, with a strong heartbeat! PRAISE JESUS! It was the best sound in the world!

We stayed another several hours, getting fluid being monitored, but it didn't matter, b/c the baby was OK!! You could have kept me there over night and I'd have said OKEEY DOKEEY!! The ER doc wasn't really sure what it was, but prescribed me mandatory bed rest for 3 days and follow up with OB. So we came home, and I stayed in bed/couch until my appt on Monday with the OB. Then after another scan that showed a dancing wiggly baby with arm buds and a strong heartbeat, I was seen by the wonderful Dr. V who gave me the answer I needed to, "WHAT THE HECK WAS THAT !!!!".

Basically I have a pocket between the placenta and the uterus where the placenta didn't adhere quite right. B/c of the vascular-ness (is that a word?) of the area, blood pooled. After some over exertion physically on my part, the area pulled away and dumped the blood, causing the overwhelming amount of blood and the quick stop. My area is small, so harmless, all tho I must take it easy. Work only, no lifting, no bending, and no, ahem *blush*....I can work and come home and REST. To which I answered "you got it!!". I will do whatever has to be done for this little one!! Matt has been FANTASTIC, doing laundry, cleaning sorta, but keeping me fed and groceries in the fridge. Running to the grocery store for my weird whim of a craving. (not too many yet) He is such a blessing.

So that's it! Jr. gave us a helluva scare, but everything is OK! See why I've been quiet? Freaking wore me out man!! Yowsa! I go back to the OB on Wednesday for another check up. We have a detailed u/s next week to look for genetic and birth defects (not worried, just would like to know if that is the case and its recommended by my OB office). And every day we just praise God for this little one. We really don't know how many days we have with anyone, so we rejoice with each and every day! However I'd really love it if there were no more of these EXCITING moments in this pregnancy! OIY.

Well, on that note I'm headed to bed. I'm exhausted from the day and tomorrow brings another one! Hope everyone is well! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, August 5, 2010

Growing day by day....

Hello everyone. I apologize for not updating more frequently, but I find myself in this state of quiet. Not really reading, not writing, not journaling. I know I should be writing every single detail of this miracle pregnancy down, but I'm just finding my self needing to be in a place of quiet. I know sounds weird, makes sense to my brain!!!

I, or rather, WE are doing well. I am 9 weeks pregnant!! Can you believe? I know I can't either!!! I have graduated to a standard OB patient and had my first appt on Wednesday. Mom came with me hoping to get a glimpse or hear little one, but I did not have a new u/s at this time, but I have one next Wednesday scheduled. Everything looks great, all tho my BP was elevated, something they are watching, it has been since I started IVF. And mom had my OB laughing so hard he had to stop mid exam. Yea, it was an interesting day!! LOL.

So pretty much this appt was about history, praising God, vital sign check, pee in a cup and all the internal stuff. I'll spare you the details of a Pap smear but I will tell you that my OB said I "feel very pregnant" when he does the internal. We're moving right along! So even though we didn't see our little bean sprout, I'm reassured that my body is changing and growing, so baby is too!!!

SO u/s next week, then follow up with OB the week after...He is still waiting on all my files to come from the IVF clinic, so holding off taking the 10,000 gallons of blood since pretty much all of it was already done. I got signed up for all kinds of stuff, and formula and got a new mommy goody bag with a pregnancy planner. Its amazing to have this happening. Is it real? Am I really going to be a mommy to a little one?

My OB is so excited...He just hugged me (and mom) and congratulated me and praised God with us. (he goes to my church) He is just amazing!!! So cool to have a GOD FEARING doc!! He has always prayed w/us before he did any of my surgeries. This man has walked the road of heartache with us, pretty much from the 1st year on. He has held us, prayed with us, listened to us, patiently waited with me as I melted into a puddle of tears and heartache and frustration. He has even teared up with us. So now he is just Praising JESUS with us!!! Knowing how much of a miracle this child is, and that all the glory for him/her is for God alone!! Its pretty cool...

Its just crazy! I can't believe I'm doing all this!! Its overwhelming!! I'm so humbled by this gift from God!!! Please join me in continuing to pray for this little one to grow grow grow, but also to offer up some praise to our God, for the gift of life inside me. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Friday, July 23, 2010

7 weeks and 1 day

So we had another appt with our IVF clinic!! Little bean is measuring ahead of the game!! And is double in size from last week and a VERY VERY clear picture of the little ones heartbeat! SO VERY prominent!! It was amazing. AND b/c the ultrasound probe was so, um, close to baby, we could hear the heartbeat!!! It was amazing. 143 bpm.

I feel pretty good, still just in awe that this is happening!! So w/o further ado, here is our little one's most RECENT picture. This one ISN'T magnified like the last one. This is the actual size of our youngin!!! So clear that there is a somethin' in there!













AND I get to show you the video of the heartbeat!!!! The flicker inside the blob is the heart! The tech puts the arrow on the beating heart!! How amazing is this!! I'm so in awe! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, July 18, 2010

HEARTBEAT!!!

We had our u/s today. We have a beautiful little one with a fetal pole, yolk sac and a flutter of a heartbeat! OH ME OH MY! God is so good. I just couldn't help but praise Him as I looked at the flicker on the u/s screen!! I really have a baby growing inside me! How amazing is that??

It still seems so surreal, like this is happening to someone else, but as I watch my belly grow and feel the tugs and pulls, I realize that THIS IS ME this is happening to!! I am really pregnant and really having a baby!!! How awesome is that!!

We go back next week for another u/s. I can't wait! Baby should be tripled by then!! Somewhere from 4mm to 12-15 mm by the end of the 6th week! (I'll be just over 7 weeks at next appt)

So without further delay, here is our little bean....Its the little white shadow that the arrow is pointing to!! That is my teeny tiny baby!! Isn't this cool????? God is so good!! What an awesome Lord we serve! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, July 11, 2010

Numbers are in...

And our newest beta went from 488 to 1623!! My doubling time is at 55 hours now which is FANTASTIC!!! AND we are ready to make the appt with the RE to have the "OB" appt AND ultrasound (u/s) to see the little heartbeat!!! I'm SO EXCITED!!!

I'm also a bit exhausted. Apparently Jr is getting a kick at sucking me dry from the core of my very being!!! Thankfully its normal during early pregnancy, but holy cow me pooped!!! Trying to rest as much as possible and thankfully Matt has been very understanding to my lazy sleepy self!

We are officially 5wk 4 days preggie. Only 34.3 to go! LOL. I've been researching what is going on in our little one right now. Its amazing to think what is happening in silence inside of me!! Its just awesome...here this is a copy of what is occurring:

As early as this week, the plate that will become the heart has developed. Your baby's brain, spinal cord, muscles, and bone formation are also beginning to form. The baby's skeleton is forming at this time as well. The embryo has a distinct organization that has a top, bottom, left, right, front and back. The baby has not grown very much from last week and is now approximately 1.25 mm long. You will not `show` yet for some time.

Yea well that part is wrong. I'm not "showing" per say, but I'm definitely changing and pudgier in my mid section. But then again I never totally shrunk after IVF.

Can you believe it? My little ones heart is forming, getting ready to beat!! I just am in awe of the creation of life!! What a miraculous thing and I get to be a part of it! God is so good...

Well I'm gonna go back to the couch to veg. Matt will be home soon and quite frankly, I'll probably be in bed soon! HA! You have no idea how much your prayers, comments, thoughts, donations, and love have been such a blessing to us!! We are overwhelmed by the amount of people who love and care for us! God is just humbling me in this over abundance of grace! Oh how unworthy I am, but how amazing our God is for blessing me in spite of the unworthiness. My heart is over flowing with praise!!!

I leave you with a pic of what Jr is looking like right now!! Pretty cool huh? Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Wednesday, July 7, 2010

I know I know...

You are waiting patiently. But seriously, how do you think WE feel??? HA!!

I've been harassed by several of my FB and non FB friends and of course our faithful "followers", to know what is going on, why we don't know anything yet and what the heck is UP WITH ME!

Well, its pretty simple. We've been waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting and waiting to know what God has in store for us. And apparently, God has bottles and binkies in store because....







WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!

PRAISE GOD ALMIGHTY!!! We are 5 weeks pregnant tomorrow!!! I got my first ever in my life positive pee stick last week, then another, then another!!! Its been amazing. Our first round of blood work on Saturday showed a healthy Beta HCG level of 169. Which is beautiful!!! I had another today, which is what we were waiting on to make our announcement and that was 488. They want the number doubling every 2-3 days, and ours is doubling at 60hr increments. PERFECT. RE said everything is right on schedule!!!

My due date is March 9, 2011 which just happens to be my daddy's birthday! We, of course, had to share all the news with our family first before going all cyber with the big announcement! Everyone is just so excited and praising God just as we are. And its been so much fun to surprise them with an early positive pregnancy test.

I have to tell you that this is the most surreal, amazing and humbling thing I've ever gone through. I was told at a very young age that the chance for me to conceive was so very low, then when we found out about Matt's issues, all hope seemed lost. But my friends I must tell you, My God is bigger then any diagnosis, any illness, and impossibility. My God is the God OF the impossible because my God MOVED A MOUNTAIN last week!!! We are so incredibly blessed!!!

We are continuing to pray for this little one, rejoice in each day that God allows this child in our life. We ask that you continue to pray for him/her to grow strong and healthy each day, that God protect them and bring abundant blessings on his/her life. We also ask that when you take a knee to pray for this little one that you also rejoice and praise God for doing THE IMPOSSIBLE!!! I AM PREGNANT!!!

Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

Sunday, June 27, 2010

Waiting waiting waiting.

So we are still waiting. Forever. Its TAKING forever!!! ARGH.

SIGH.

OK so little embie is still tucked safely away in my womb, waiting to find out if s/he stuck or not. I'm not feeling one way or the other to be honest, all tho headaches and fatigued, which could be either - or + as it is my PMS signs too.

But we are continuing to enjoy our PUPO self. Enjoy the fact that little one is nestled in there and praising God for his/her creation. Because that alone is a miracle. We didn't even know if we could MAKE little ones!!!

Matt's been wonderful, taking care of me, loving on me, just making sure I rest, hydrate and take care of me and the little one. Now if only this can continue another 9 or so months!!!!

Even while waiting, we choose to Praise God. Worship Him, love Him. In ALL things. There was a song I posted a LONG time ago called "While I'm Waiting". It is the theme song to the movie Fireproof, but it is so perfect for our life. I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting. CHOOSING to praise God and hold on to HOPE. Not so easy, but we can do it, with God's love and support.

So nothing new, just waiting. Worship and serve with me while we wait together for news of our little one! Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Quick Post

B/c I'm not supposed to be upright too too much...

But we are PUPO!!!! yay! We have a little embryo snuggled safely inside me waiting to attach and grow over the next 9 months!! We still have 9 other embryos, we are waiting to see if they are freezable tomorrow or Thursday. We are so grateful to God!

Process was fairly easy (all tho a cold metal speculum is a major Valium buzz killer!) and I've been resting all day. And I will be out cold tomorrow too. Have a bunch of folks coming to hang with me and help out!! I'm so blessed!!!

OK so here you go, our first picture!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, June 21, 2010

Ponderings of a hormonal girl...

OK hormonal woman. OK RAGING hormonal woman!!! :-) I've been sitting and thinking and pondering about our little embryos and the transfer tomorrow. I've felt like crap pretty much all day, gaggy-pukey-pain-ickiness all around, but its funny, it has me thinking MORE about what is to come.

I am a mom. Now I don't know or really care so much about what your belief is on life at conception or at 20 wks or when baby takes his first breath. To each their own. But Matt and I? We believe in life at conception. At the time part of him and part of me mingle together and form 2 cells then 4 cells. We believe that we have 10 little children, currently cell shaped, waiting for our decision of what we will do.

In this case 1 or 2 will be put back safely in my womb where Lord willing he/she will grow for 9 more months and pop out say next April/May. But its surreal to think, Matt and I have created a life, lots of little lives!! that is just so overwhelming to me! And a blessing and a MIRACLE! Its mind boggling.

Our prayer of course is to hold a couple of these little cells in my arms as a full grown baby, but for now, I'm just resting in the fact that we have LIFE. Tomorrow begins the next days of the rest of our life, and for today, I just want to rejoice, for tomorrow, those little ones could be gone until this side of heaven.

As I said, ramblings of a hormonal girl. Physically I'm feeling better tonight then I was today, but I'm quite weary of feeling so crappy. I pray it passes and tomorrow is uneventful. Amazingly, Matt wasn't gonna be able to come with me and mom was going to take me and be with me when they did the transfer. But Apple decided to rearrange schedules for the new iPhone launch and low and behold they gave Matt Tuesday off!! Not even knowing he needed it! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!!??!! So My hubby gets to be WITH me in the same room when I get PUPO. (Such a better thought then getting knocked up with him in another county! HA) What a blessing, God is so good!

OK off to bed with me and my swollen body parts, for tomorrow I become preggie. Hopefully for a very long 9 months!! In all things, to God be the glory and His will be done. Will you rejoice with me today? As God has allowed life to come of this! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Saturday, June 19, 2010

WE have....

10 little embryos!!!!

praise God!!! Got the report yesterday that 10 of my eggs fertilized. Got the report THIS MORNING that they are THRIVING and doing well! 8 of them are grade 1 or A and 2 of them are grade 2 or B. They are doing so well, they are waiting until a day 5 transfer to see which are the BEST to transfer back into my belly....

I'm so excited!! Praising JESUS! I'm the mommy of 10 little ones!!!

I'm feeling OK, still pretty beat up and sore. Been resting and drinking tons of fluids and well, that is pretty much it. I'll go back to work on Monday then I'll be off Tues/Wed for transfer and bedrest... Then we'll have to wait until Mid July for results! Gonna be a loooong wait!!! But I'm confident that God's hand is in all this and I will be able to PRAISE HIM while I wait!!

OK going back to bed. Bad storm is coming too!! Hope everyone is well! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, June 17, 2010

My new favorite number....

14! :-)

Praise Jesus, they got 14 eggies out of me today. I'm sore and tired, and still bloaty and uncomfortable, but overall I'm doing pretty good. I've got border line OHSS and am pounding the gatorade/water/protein and rest. I'm also on a medication that for the life of me, i have no idea what it does!! Can't find the research online for why its used for OHSS, but I'm trusting the doc. I met Dr. W today. Shes very sweet spirited and has a bit of humor as well!! The whole team today was wonderful and I was out in la la land prior to feeling ANYTHING!! Woke up uncomfortable, gave me pain meds, and i was better. How nice.

I'm so glad they kept me home tomorrow b/c I don't think I could sit for 9 hrs at a desk and be coherent to answer medical questions.

So we'll have our embryo report tomorrow and they'll decide on a day 3 or day 5 transfer. How ironic that my embies may be inside me on FATHER'S DAY! How cool is that?? Just pretty amazing. God is just so good!

Please pray for my little ones, that they grow and thrive and ultimately stick inside of me!!! I'm currently wiped out and going to bed. Pain meds and sleep, here I come!! Have a blessed day in the LORD!!!

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Egg Retrival

TOMORROW! I'm so excited. I"M SO HOOOOOT!!!!! ARGH.

My E2 today: 4077 YIKES!!!

So needless to say I'm warm and bloated and READY!!!

OK that's it, not much to say. I'm ready to burst, I'm off the next few days and I'm READY!!! WOO HOOO!!! Continued prayers please!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Hooray!!!

Its TRIGGER TIME!!!

OH YAY OH YAY OH YAY!!! I'm triggering tonight! Egg retrieval (ER) is on Thursday at 930am...PRAISE YOU JESUS b/c I'm so uncomfortable!!! I have to do my trigger shot at 1130pm tonight!!!! and my E2 went from 1790 to 2900!!!

The nurse called and said, "Um your E2 went up a bit more then expected, so you need to pound the gatorade and protein". Yea no kidding it went up, I can tell!!! Phew I'm so bloated! them 20 eggs are ready to HATCH! Or be laid would be more accurate! HA!

I'm so ready, I'm gonna try and work tomorrow if I can. We'll see how it goes, b/c I want to take Friday off AFTER ER, so I can rest for the weekend. Then my little babies will be back in me either Sunday, Monday or Tuesday!!!!!

EEK!!! GUYS!! This time next week I'll be PUPO (preggers until proven otherwise)!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS HERE!!!!!!!

I'm just so stinkin' excited, that I'm not noticing how incredibly miserable I am physically! The joys of a high E2, nausea, lots and lots of nausea. I lived on crackers, gingerale and gatorade today. OIY....

OK off to bible study then mom's renter (our good friend), Trish, is gonna do my trigger shot. I can't do the shot in my butt by myself! YOWSA! OK so tomorrow is gonna be not fun, but I'm gonna hang in there, we're almost done! YAY!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, June 14, 2010

Today's update....

So today is day 10 of Stim. GAG ME. I'm not done. But almost.

E2 was in the 1700's, I don't even remember
and my follies were all 16-19...I need 19-21.

They are pretty sure I'll trigger tomorrow and retrieval on Thursday. Here's the fun part of today. I met a chick who I've been, just observing the last couple of days. We are apparently on the same schedule. Anyway her significant other (s/o) is in a wheelchair. Well I've been asking God for a chance to introduce and share Matt and my story with her. Well today the window opened wide. She is a cute thing! Cheery and talkative and very outgoing. She shared in my tears of pain with my ovaries the size of Texas and how this well, sucks! Anyway so then I shared my lovely hub is in a w/c also and a bit of our story. And come to find out, at an RE that is an hour away, we live in the same town! Like 2 miles down the road! Its pretty cool!!

It was nice, not only to meet someone who understands IF, b/c the whole disability thing. Its cool, we hit it off immediately. So we shall be back tomorrow for our u/s and bloodwork. Ley sigh...Maybe our hubs will meet the day of retrieval and get to know each other.

I know, I'm rambling...Its the hormones. Time for some dinner (and watermelon and pineapple, YUM) and bed. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, June 13, 2010

Weary weary am I....

Day 9 of Stim.

My ovaries feel like they are going to explode! We have made great progress. Every follie is between 13-16. We trigger somewhere around 19-21. I'm just PRAYING that they are there by tomorrow. I'm so weary, so uncomfortable, so hormonal, just very overwhelmed.

I have no clue how someone can do this over and over and over again. I'm worn out!!! Thankfully my mommy let me vent and cry and then she came over and helped me around the house. Thank you mommy! She is the best!! I know its almost over, but if I trigger tomorrow, I won't have retrieval until Wednesday. An eternity away!!! And its only gonna get worse when I trigger. I may even have to stay home because my ovaries will be so large and just sitting is awful!!! UGH...

My estrogen was 1132 today. in one day it went up 400 points. OIY VEY! I'm going back tomorrow, and have pre op as well...I have to get a hold of the anesthesiologist for pre op too but so far the number has been busy busy busy...

So we are almost there, I know we are. I think I can do this. I think I can I think I can! Please continue to pray!! I know I can't do this without God holding me and carrying me through!!! Please Lord get me to retrieval, and then we can go from there!!! Thank you for all of you who are loving us and supporting us through! I can't do this without each and every one of your prayers and support!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Saturday, June 12, 2010

Just an update....

Day 8 of stim. I'm exhausted and have to go back in the morning, so I'm gonna make it real quick.

Estrogen was 791 which is holy moly!!
Lt ovary still has 12 follies all between 10-13
rt ovary still has 8 follies between 10-12

I'm getting weary. The poking the prodding, I'm not thrilled that I have to go back tomorrow morning, but I will b/c its what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm just tired and I'm so incredibly uncomfortable. Please continue to pray for us!!!

Off to bed, have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, June 10, 2010

Moving right along....

Today is day 6 of Stim. OOO I need my one shot, hang on, I'll be back....

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So today is day 6 of stim...I had my appt at the RE this morning. Phew 530am wake up calls are quite exhausting, then, b/c I was late, I don't really get a lunch, so it makes for a very very VERY long exhausting day. But I'll survive! So stats from today:

Estrogen: 274 (WOW! I more then tripled in 2 days! EEK.)
I have 12 follicles on my Left now!! And they are all measuring approx 8-11mm
I have 8 follies on my right now. (that is a total of EIGHT more by the way!) also about 8-10mm

They are pleased, I'm stimming quite nicely and jointly. Everything is about the same size and getting bigger every day...I can FEEL the difference now. I'm most definitely poochier and more uncomfortable, but still quite bearable. I have a feeling that is going to change. I was also told I may have to stay home and reclined the day BEFORE retrieval as when you trigger it brings all the follicles to maturation and preps them to be "ovulated" but they plan on pulling them out (with a needle. gulp.) before then. But it can be very uncomfortable to be sitting and squashing them. Thankfully my boss is like "whatever you need, just let me know!!". She's awesome!!! I'm so excited that THEY are excited. Makes the process easier knowing I don't have to push myself to the extremes.

So Saturday I go back to the RE for my next scan. We shall see from there...I'm guessing I'll be ready to trigger on Monday and have my retrieval on Wednesday. But its just a guess, so we shall see....

So I have to tell you, one of my dear dear bestest buds, H, who is a fellow IFer, is currently at the hospital laboring and having her miracle baby. AND today is their 15th wedding anniversary!!! This is their first little one to make it to term and he/she is making his/her appearance TONIGHT!!! I'm so stoked...I can't even begin to tell you how amazing and miraculous and just awesome it is that this little one is on their way!! My heart is overflowing with joy for them!! We are still waiting impatiently, but this will be a glorious day!!!!! I'll give you details and MAYBE a picture later (if she lets me post one! hee hee)

OK well my sore self is gonna go veg. I'm quite tired, an unfortunate side effect. Maybe its preparation. HA! Hope all is well with everyone. Continued prayers are appreciated. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Tuesday, June 8, 2010

Day 4 of Stim and update....

So I am home in my AIR CONDITION! Praise God! And we got our van back today too. GULP...AND I paid some money to the RE today. Its been an expensive day! YOWSA....Oh well, whatcha gonna do about it, right?

SO here is my update...

E2 : 81.6 they like to see it doubling every 2-3 days, so we are on track!
Follies: there seems to be 12 pulling away from the pack. 6 on the right, 6 on the left, but its still really early to tell. They are all 7-9mm. The vast majority need to be 20mm in size for them to trigger for retrieval. It looks like we are just about 1/3 way through stim. Possibly next Tues or Wed for retrieval?? YAY!!!

I was just thinking how this time next week, I will be a mom. I will have little embryos that are in a petry dish that are my offspring. I know not everyone believes embryos are life, but Matt and I believe that life starts at conception, and these will be my children. That is just so cool to me. Matt and I have never been preggie that we know of, so we have no children waiting for us in heaven, we have no legacy that we've left behind, its just us. And for some reason, it is soothing to me that these little embies will be formed, my cells, Matt's cells, creating a life, however long or short that life may be. Knowing that I have that is somehow in a strange way comforting to my hurting IF heart.

Silly I know. And of course, my hope is that this little one(s) become my "take home baby" that I will love for as long as God gives them to me. I'm a little all over the place in my thought process, I think the E2 is eating up my brain cells, or prepping me for shear exhaustion, one or the other. I know I'm not making much sense, but we'll just leave it at the fact that its a comfort for me.

So I go back on Thursday for my next scan. I'm definitely growing something cuz, I mean I know I'm a chunky girl, but my belly is swelling!!! And that mixed with the bruises, oh yea I'm looking fine! Thank God matt loves me and ALL my jiggley/bruised/deformed parts! HA!

OK off to poke and veg on the couch! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, June 7, 2010

Day 3 of stim...

So on Saturday I went to the RE and started on Stims. Theoretically, my E2 or estrogen level will get in the thousands, whereas on a normal cycle, it usually peaks anywhere from 300-600. And I did say thousands, it may be well over 4000 when we are retrieving the eggs!! Crazy right?? So here ya go, my STATS. This is my base line. (and for my IF buds, I'm taking 75u of Menopur 2x day, 75u of Follistim 2 x day, and 5u of Lupron each night.)

Here are the stats:
Estrogen: 38.6
Follicles: 30+ teeeeeny tiny ones that Lord willing won't all mature. We're hoping that 10-15 pull away and mature.

I'm doing OK with the shots. Its 3 shots a day with 3 different medications. They burn, I'm bruised but hey, its for a good purpose. I'm hangin' in there!! I'm feeling OK right now. Not real side effecty, just a lot of headaches/hot flashes, but I'm getting through.

Our car is a grand total of $1564. Good golly miss molly, but we have a pretty good case against Jiffy Lube. So I plan on writing one of my letters/novels whatever you wanna call it, and presenting them with the hopes that they will pay us back for the damages. One can dream. We will even have the radiator and core parts that were damaged. I love my mechanic though, he is going out of his way to get this done as fast as possible b/c Matt is w/o his accessible vehicle. What a blessing they are!

I came to the A/C being broken as well. Its just not a good week and its only Monday. When you are a furnace that is ready to self combust, and the house is 87 degrees, well lets just say I was a puddle on the floor in tears! OIY. Our fab A/c man is coming tomorrow (sadness) and I'm headed to Mom's house to sleep! There is no longer a bed for me there, but there is a couch and 75degree air! SOLD! Matt is gonna tough it out, its really not affecting him!!

OK that's it for now. Off to mom's house. I'll give you the stats on my stuff tomorrow after the appointment. For now I continue poking and growing some eggs!! Have a blessed day in the Lord.

Friday, June 4, 2010

I figured....

Why not two posts in a row???

B/c I'm awesome like that! HA!

I'm actually exhausted. That is what I am. It was a rough day at work, rough day at home, rough day all around. Our Van is currently in the hospital being tended too. After finding out RED coolant and GREEN coolant can't be mixed and will turn in to sludge and destroy a radiator which in turn null and voids a warranty, the day just went down hill after that. Especially after Chrysler said, "That will be $2500 please...". AH! WHAT??? Ya, crazy I know. Who knew there was multi color coolant?? And apparently there is PINK coolant too! I want pink coolant. Its purdy!

So apparently, even though red and green go together when you are talking Christmas and elves and Santa's reindeer, it does NOT go together in a car. I have thick orange GUNK in my radiator, water pump and the entire coolant system that has in turn corroded and DESTROYED the system. Thank you Jiffy Lube, who had no clue that Chrysler used only RED and they put in the standard GREEN and it congealed into an expensive, non warranty covered mess. LEY SIGH.

So after about peeing my pants and losing it on the phone (don't they know I'm on Lupron????), my poor father taking several trips to Chrysler, a $75 fee to LOOK at my gunkified car, triple A, a $30 towing fee and the WHOLE FREAKING DAY, my car is now safely in the hands of MY mechanic, Frank, and will cost more like $1000 then the $2500. Maybe less. Still a number that makes me want to hide in a corner and suck my thumb while rocking back and forth moaning, but a little bit more palatable then the whopper of a number that Chrysler gave me. And yes we do plan on getting this all in writing and going to Jiffy Lube Corporate and requesting they pay for the damages, seeing as they are the ones that caused it, all though it was unbeknownst to them as I talked to the Jiffy Lube man today and he had NO CLUE what I was talking about with mixing coolants. So Frank my new BFF has the car in his place and will be checking it out on MONDAY! ACK!! Did I mention he is out of town THIS weekend of all weekends?? Poor Matt is STRANDED! We shall be lugging him around town in his manual chair and my lovely Toyota. Thankfully we bought the 'Yota b/c of its fabulous trunk space that is PERFECT for a folding wheelchair. Now we get to try it out!

Again, SIGH is coming to mind.

So I spent the evening writing thank you cards to all of you wonderful fabulous folks that helped out and came to the BBQ! We are so blessed!!! We raised just about 1/2 of what we THINK we need, and I even have more donations coming in. (And just a quick plug: more will always be excepted! HA!! :D ) We are eternally grateful at the love and support we have gotten!! We are BLESSED! Even with a sludgy radiator and water pump.

In all things GOD IS STILL GOOD!!! mumble, grumble, mumble grumble. OK God, I will wait upon you and hold on for dear life!! OK, it is apparent that I'm tired. I have to be up by 5:30AM tomorrow to be in Margate by 7:00AM, which I take the turnpike to drive to, and my lovely husband just reminded me that the Sunpass is in the van...which is in the shop...which is closed until Monday. Sigh, what a day what a day.

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, June 3, 2010

It is almost time!

I can't believe we start stim on Saturday! THIS IS CRAZY!!! I'm just WEEKS away from knowing if I'm gonna be a mommy or not. That's nuts!! Just WEEKS!!! After YEARS, in just a few short weeks I'll know.

Wow.

That is crazy.

So Saturday morn I go in for an u/s and blood work, then start on the THREE shots a day in my belly instead of one. I'm doing OK with the injection, just found that it HURTS on the left, and no pain to the right. But you have to rotate the sites around so that the belly doesn't get too lumpy. I've bruised a little, so I have little black dots on my tum, but no one sees my belly but hubby, so we're good!

I must admit I have had a few psychotic episodes with the Lupron. Especially with the birth control pills AND add in a steroid pack for good measure when I developed a sinus infection last week. So I got a little wonky, but Matt loves me and forgives me. THANK GOD! Overall, the side effects have been hot flashes, not sleeping well and headaches. All which I can deal with and heck, probably just preparing me for when baby comes! HA!

We went to Liz and Isaac's (Matt's sister and now our brother in law!) wedding this weekend. It was BEAUTIFUL!! We did get rained on, but it wasn't to bad. It was on a horsie farm out in Dade City outside of Tampa. There were beautiful willow trees with Spanish moss hanging down. Horses running by. Oh it was picturesque!! We danced and partied, and had a GREAT time. It was so awesome seeing all of Matt's family, brothers, their wives, our nieces and nephew. We just really enjoyed ourselves. Its sad that we had to say goodbye, knowing it will probably be a year or more before we see them again.

I have pictures, but there are just so many, well I'm lazy and don't feel like posting! HA! They will eventually be on Facebook, and most of you see me there anyway.

So nothing awe inspiring or grand going on. Just preparing, and praying and gearing up for the next to last round!!! I should have some embryo's safely in my womb in about 3 weeks, give or take!!! I can't wait to be PUPO status, which stands for "PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE". I'm ready to be a pampered princess!! hee hee. That is just amazing to me!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! Please continue to pray for peace as we walk this journey. Matt is having some stupid heads at work right now, and the stress is a lot. Please keep us lifted up! THANK YOU!!!

We hope everyone is well!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Wednesday, May 26, 2010

What a bad updater I am...

But honestly haven't really had anything to eventful going on!!! Just poppin' a pill every day....Until now! :-)

We have officially started the next phase. I gave my first shot to myself last night! EEK. I screamed! LOL. It didn't hurt, just the anticipation of it!! Oh my. I am now on Lupron every day, which will help to continue to keep my system suppressed but coordinate my ovaries to talk to each other so the create lots of little eggies at the same time. (instead of alternating like the body is programmed to do) I go back on 06/05/10 for baseline u/s and blood work, then STIM STARTS!

We had our BBQ of Hope on Sunday! It was a BLAST and a total success! God is so good! We raised half the money we need for IVF that will be our portion! Such loving and generous people in our lives that would donate so much to us!! We are honored, blessed, humbled. I just sat on the floor after counting all the money on Sunday and just cried and cried and cried. It is humbling to be so loved and so blessed. Our God is GREAT! And he is our provider!!! Praise Him with us!!!

I've had this post in my brain that I've needed to try and get out, but its not working yet. So hang in there, more will come later. For now, I have developed a sinus infection, so I'm home early from work and going to the MD today to get rid of this sucker NOW. No time to be sick!! Matt and I leave on Friday for Tampa so we can bare witness to Elizabeth, Matt's baby sister, and her fiancee Isaac tie the knot!! I can't even begin to tell you how excited I am!! All tho it will be strange to bring a syringe and vial of meds with me to the wedding, as I have to inject around the same time, which happens to be just about the time of the wedding. So strange!! HA! We're hoping for just beautiful weather and rejoice in the memorable occasion!!! I'll post pics!

So here is the link to the Photos for BBQ of Hope. BBQ OF HOPE PHOTOS
God gave us such a beautiful day! We had, literally, a 5 second flash storm, then it disappeared and we went on with the partying! We had a raffle, bake sale, and a corn hole tournament with hats and prizes!! It was awesome!

OK I'm headed to the Doc, then home to bed. Hope everyone is well! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, May 3, 2010

Phew. Its getting hot in here!!!

I've been a dang sauna ALL DAY LONG! And that's only after 2 days. Good gracious. The joys of birth control pills...

I've been having hot flashes all day, like overwhelming uncontrollable bursts of heat and sweat. Reminds me of my days on Lupron. Oh crap Lupron is next on the 25th!!! Gracious sakes! Its gonna be one heck of an electric bill this month I think!

Wow this is gonna be fun! LOL My body (and my hubby) don't have a clue what is coming! HA!!!

OK that's all, just wanted to moan about being HOT!! (Course Matt always says I'm HOT! :-) ) Silly little posts about nothing shall be what you see I'm sure!!! Hey its my blog and I can do what I want! HA! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, April 29, 2010

And so it begins....

So today was the IVF nurse meeting, CD2 labs and u/s, and financials appt's at the RE's office.

So first off, God is good! Heck God is GREAT!

I have my calender, and they were able to extend me out passed Sis in Law's wedding, so I start BCP's next Sunday (since I have long cycles, its not a big deal anyway to be extended). I then start an injectable med called Lupron (aka loopy-pron as Matt calls it) on 05/25 which I'll take for a while...Basically the RE is trying to shut down my system and get it coordinated so that my ovaries are prepared to start talkin' to each other and creating gobs of eggs and mature them. Then I start stim on June 6th!! EEK! B/c urologist has to be on call for egg retrieval in the event that Matt has no live sperm, he can do TESE right then and there. (ouchie for Matt) All tho we are freezing some of Matt's guys ahead of time so there is fresh AND frozen to work with for the ICSI...but we don't think it will be a problem. But just in case we will have the doc on hand who can extract sperm if needed. (I know its confusing, it is to us as well)

So stim on June 6th for 7-10 days and it LOOKS like my little 3 or 4 or 5 day embie(s) will be implanted over weekend time, so at least one of my 2 bedrest days will be on a wknd. Which means less time missed. YAY BUT work is totally being excitedly cool about it so its not being an issue!!! And all the blood work days, I'll have 7am appts so blood work will be done and I'll be to work by 830-900 at the latest. YIPPEE!!!

So here is when GOD IS GOOD starts coming in to play. We sat down with the $$ girl...I expected to swipe $6000 on my credit card today, pay upfront then get reimbursed for what ends up NOT being used. Yea well not only was $$ girl a CHRISTIAN and praising Jesus with us...She is not having us up front pay b/c she wants to submit to insurance first to see how much of each thing is covered. And she said that the whole cycle is billed at $12,000 but our insurance is contracted for pretty much HALF of that so that will be the "cost" and then 50% of THAT is our cost. However ultrasounds and labs are covered at 100% so the HALF is more like a 1/3. She figures WITH ICSI and freezing charges for sperm and embryos, it will come to about $2500 out of pocket. Almost $4000 less then we planned!!!!! She said to plan on $5000 cushion but that being if there are complications and TESE is needed and extra stim and stuff, but she said, its doubtful and will probably be around 1/2 of that cushion... Oh my goodness! that's amazing!!!! AND my meds are covered at 100%!! (which is around $3-4000)

It's overwhelming how amazing this is!!! And if the fundraiser is successful, we may come out of this w/o paying much of anything out of pocket, meaning NOTHING charged, meaning Oh my goodness this is awesome! Talk about Gods perfect timing in all things! Our nurse is wonderful (her name is Michelle) and she was just wonderfully understanding and compassionate. Which is nice. I said to her, "good lord this is like signing my life away in to craziness." which she answered, "yes it is craziness, but we will love and support you through it." brought tears! She was just AMAZING!!

I'm just so excited and thrilled and full to the brim with peace for each and every step! Its just unbelievable how awesome our God is! They do recommend however that we back off telling the world wide web about each and every step. To just stick with the core group of friends and family. So we are going to stop posting on Facebook, but I'll keep posting on the blog. So please know, to keep up with whats going on, you'll have to check out the blog!!! I understand where she is coming from and I agree. Need to just focus on what is to come and the love and support from those who KNOW and understand, not try to explain or justify this to anyone. So continued prayers as always, and we'll keep you posted! It will be pretty boring for the next while.

So that's our update!! More to come b/c its time to get this PARTY STARTED!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Monday, April 26, 2010

Ok, so here we are. :-)

What a crazy ride this has been and we haven't really even started yet!! First off, I lied. Don't keep May 15th open, keep the 23rd open...Sorry had many schedule changes to make this work, but it is purchased and set in STONE!!! BBQ of HOPE will be May 23rd at 11am at Sago Park in Palm Springs, FL. I'm stoked, its a beautiful park and we already have so much planned! Just need some more fine tuning and a guest list. $10 a head for food and drink, but we will also be having a bake sale and raffle to help with the $$ raising. Its gonna be a great time! Come one come all!!!! Bring your kids, bring a friend!

So Matt and I went out to eat tonight just to sit quietly for 2 1/2 hrs and sign consent forms for IVF. Holy gracious sakes its about 20 pages of forms. What we want fertilized, how many to put back in my womb, what to do with left over embryo's, what to do if one or both of us dies, who do we want to care for the embryo's if we both die, do we give them up for donation, do we destroy them (hell to the NO), how many to freeze, do we freeze if only one survives and on and on and on...Needless to say, both our heads were spinning by the time we were done, and that was on iced tea only!!! Sheesh, such complication to have a kid! Gracious!

Thankfully we can just not sign what we don't understand and this Thursday we will have a meeting with the IVF nurse to go over the consents, questions, finances, all that fun stuff. We have a LIST of questions a mile long, but at least they are written down, so if there is any confusion we'll remember what we wanted to ask. OH MY GRACIOUS I feel some hyperventilating coming on....HEE HEE HOO!! HEE HEE HOO!!! I guess this is practice for Lamaze breathing. HA!

So Thursday is the next appt. I have CD2 labs and u/s done and then sometime in the next week or so I start birth control pills (BCP). EEEK! I can't believe this is happening! We are ACTUALLY STARTING IVF!!! Just freaks the crapoley out of me, but yet I know that God is in control. Need to do more of that deep breathing! Good Lord help me! We are excited though. I'm ready, finally ready to proceed forward. Ready for closure, ready for answers. And so ready to hold a little one in my arms. I know I'm jumping the gun, counting my eggs before they hatch (HA!! Or before they even get LAID!), but I'm hopeful. Hopeful that God will bring us the desire of our hearts. But yes, I'm also realistic. Gosh heavy stuff for 10 at night!

So there you have it. Fundraisers, updates, BCP's and the start of the ride!! I feel like the shoulder bars just came down and clicked in to position, and the ride is about to start!!! Aren't you SO excited you get to come on this ride with us??? :-) Well its now or never, and all I can do is look straight ahead, hold on for dear life, and pray that I come out of this still breathing!! (and hopefully not puking! HA) Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Friday, April 16, 2010

FUNDRAISING!!!

I'm so excited! So after some research and planning, it SEEMS we are going to have a BBQ Fundraiser for IVF $$...I'm totally stoked. Found this FABULOUS park (that is only $75 for the day!) and it has all kinds of fun stuff, volleyball, a dock to fish from, horse shoes, playground...Plus a lot of land to run around on. I'm hoping and praying its available on the 15th of May b/c if it is WE ARE GONNA PARTY!!!

Details are to come (after confirmation for getting the pavilion) but it looks like it will be a BBQ with a requested $10 a head, plus raffles and games where money and prizes may be won. (we'll see how that flies) Plus food fun and fellowship!!!

I've been so amazed at the response already, at those who are willing to give to help us toward this goal, to support us and HOPE for this child too. Knowing that its not 100%, that IVF isn't necessarily going to work, but willing to hope with us, sacrifice for us and our hopeful child(ren). That means the world to me. More then you will ever know...

So save the date... MAY 15th, 2010 at lunch time. We are going to (hopefully) have a BBQ OF HOPE!!!! Thank you for loving and supporting us. Your thoughts, prayers and kindness is what gets us through every single day!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Sorry been a little crazy...

A bit of an update. OK a HUGE update!!! :-)

So on Tuesday I went for whats called a Trial Transfer...Basically my RE was measuring the length of my cervix and uterine wall so when we ARE transferring embryo's, there is little trauma as possible. Thankfully trial transfer was a piece of cake. I have a "retro easy entry cervix" woohoo! Aren't we excited. IUI's were pretty easy for me when I had them (very similar process)So this was fine and dandy...bonus for me! YAY One thing that is EASY!!!

Now I told you before that Matt has to be tested and all that, and they were greatly concerned. Well get this. They checked all of Matt's blood minus a few tests that they are still waiting on and everything is 100% perfect. Doesn't look genetic either. So the SA retest showed that even with such a low count there was still about 1% normal out of 500,000...Still a decent enough number for ICSI which was the plan all along. SOOO, she wants him to still see the urology male factor specialist on the 23rd, but they (RE and uro) have already been discussing his case and b/c everything looks normal lab and genetic wise, it is probably secondary to him sitting all the time. No way for the guys too cool b/c he sits in the wheelchair, and, short of him sitting on an ice pack all day, there isn't much we can do. Kinda like a perpetual sauna for the spermies!

BUT we can still move forward w/ICSI and IVF!! YAY! AND, barring any complications, WE ARE STARTING NEXT MONTH! So we need the Uro's go ahead, but b/c everything so far looks normal there is no real reason he would halt the IVF, so with my next period, I start with CD2 labs and u/s, then go on BCP's and Lupron!! Followed by stim, retrieval and transfer! EEEEKKK!!!!!!

This is really happening! I'm so excited. Cautiously excited, but excited none the less. The will freeze 1-2 "samples" from Matt and then collect fresh the day of retrieval (when they pull out my eggs) with the hopes that in those samples they will have enough normal sperm to do the ICSI.

One unfortunate is Dr. K is moving back to NY and will not be the one that does the retrieval, :-(, but she is going to work with the new RE (also a lady who she said is very sweet/compassionate, like minded to her) hand in hand with our case, so she'll basically just pick up where Dr. K will leave off. So it will be Dr. W.

I have to believe that God is laying out this path how it is supposed to fall for a reason. So I'm not stressing, all tho I'm a little sad, but its OK, we'll take it a step at a time!! Even with the new RE.

So that's our update!! In just about 3-4 weeks, the process will begin!! (assuming the urologist clears Matt) Can you believe it?? We need to do some fundraising b/c overall it will be probably close to $7,000 out of pocket, give or take. And, while we are doing much better financially, we are not farmers of money trees. So ideas appreciated it!!!

Continue to pray, we'll keep you posted. Thank you for joining us on this journey. It helps to have some many people care and love us through this! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Wednesday, March 17, 2010

Update from our Appt...

So we are home from the Bahamas. We had an AMAZING time and just relaxed, slept, baked in the sun, and enjoyed the wonderful time. I love island time, its so easy going!!! Pictures and stuff to come once I get the time to upload them to the computer. We flew in Tues afternoon and my dad was kind enough to take us to our appt with Dr. K. This was the update after finishing all the wonderful tests and procedures prior to us starting IVF. Unfortunately, not all good news...

I'm doing good, I have a good ovarian reserve, thank God. My Hgb A1C was PERFECT (5.4) and I'm NON insulin resistant. So its definitely simple PCOS controlled with Metformin. That's good. I had a little bit elevated testosterone level, but she feels that will work out OK with the kind of protocol we would use for IVF. (explains the facial hair and deep manly voice. OK I'm kidding about the voice, unfortunately not about the hair. Thank the LORD I'm a blonde!) I do however have a little liver thingy going on. I have elevated liver enzymes and extremely elevated triglycerides (350 yea I know CRAZY!), all tho the rest of my panels are PERFECT and so is my cholesterol. So I should have a liver scan done eventually, just to be safe. (I have history of a fatty liver, runs in my family and has always given me an elevated liver enzyme) Just to be SAFE tho..They found an itty bitty fibroid in my uterus (which is new, never had one of them) and weirdly enough, I'm no longer immune to chicken pox. Go figure. So i have to get a varicella shot! LOL silly.

But here is the problem...

Matt's SA came back HORRIBLE, <500,000 and his morphology came back at <2% normal. Normal Semen analysis. He has only abnormal sperm and not many of them. She is greatly concerned, b/c she think she has either a genetic thing going on (one brother is IF also, one is fertile Myrtle) or some kind of gonadaltropin deficiency or hypothalamus issue. We can not go forward with IVF b/c we don't have really any viable sperm to work with and she is concerned that there is something that would prevent fertilization anyway. So now its Matt's turn. He has to see a urologist (which happens to work with my RE and is one of the best in his field for Male Factor IF) and have work up done. They are doing a HUGE panel of blood work on him (ha ha his turn!! :P) and checking a bunch of other genetic anomalies....So at this point, we are STOPPED dead in our tracks. Talk about coming to a SCREECHING halt.

She wants to continue moving forward as if we are doing IVF, so in a couple weeks I'll have a trial transfer and consult with the IVF nurse and go over paperwork/protocol/cost, etc...So that's in about 3 weeks....But before then Matt goes for his stuff....

I'm trying to hold it together, we are trying not to do our normal tantrum fit. I mean we might be halted all together b/c it may not be possible for Matt's guys to fertilize an egg. I'm a bit scared, this stinks....But we're trying to hold faith and just pray THY WILL BE DONE. I want answers and closure, and this may be how I will get it, whether we can do IVF or not...But it is very difficult to think we may not even get the chance to try for IVF. But we might find some underlying issue of Matt's that needs to be fixed and could cause other health issues.

Its hard, no matter how you look at it. One good thing is if we CAN'T do IVF b/c of something with the spermies, my body seems to be A-OK for carrying a baby and we can try for Embryo Adoption. But that is another thought for another day. So as always, continued prayers are appreciated. We will keep you posted as to what the urologist says. For now, I'm headed to bed!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, March 7, 2010

Update...All is finished...

Sorry it has been so super duper busy, I haven't had a chance to sit down and just write. My goodness its amazing how life can just fly by without a 2nd thought!!!

Update on our newest journey:
All tests are finished!! Hooray!!! I had my HSG last week on Monday. It was rather traumatic and I had a lot of issues, but after 3 tries and lots of repositioning, the doctor was able to finish the test. Thankfully everything looks fine for IVF. My left tube is wide open, the right is questionable, but there are no blockages or fluid build up that would cause toxicity to the embryos. So from and HSG point of view, we are good to go!!!

We have an appt on the 16th with Dr. K and will sit down and come up with protocol, plan, find out all the test results, etc. I'm still a bit questionable if we'll be able to do IVF. I'll be happy to hear her say we're a go...As for the $$ aspect of it, oh my goodness God is so good!!!! He just boggles my mind with the blessings He has given us! Our bills that are in are up to just around $4000 so far. Now per initial conversations with the insurance and the billing people at Dr. K's office, insurance only pays 50%. But I'll have you know, that so far, we have paid only $145 out of pocket!!! Yes that is it!!! I'm so utterly amazed!!! Now the big stuff is still coming, and the need for the finances are still there, but for now, we haven't had to pay for pretty much ANY of the tests and preparation stuff!!!! That is amazing!! I hope that you praise God with me!!!

So here we are, in just about a week, we'll have a game plan. And come the beginning of April, we just might be starting the roller coaster ride of our lives!!!

And to prepare for it, Matt and I are going away!! My work has been so wonderful!! Fabulous actually about all the tests and prep. Matt and I found an AMAZING deal for an all inclusive trip to the Bahamas, including food/airfare/hotel, for 4 nights and 5 days. My boss was kind enough to let me go as is Matt's boss. So we leave THIS Friday until next Tuesday. Yup we come back the day of the appt with Dr. K!! Its kind of our last little getaway, a time to be with each other as we prepare for what is to come. Whatever the result. We are so excited and grateful for the break!! With all that happened in the last year with Matt and with me, and our jobs, well we are ready for a break from life!!!

So that's it. Just pretty much holding right now until we talk with Dr. K. I'm excited, and peaceful, for what is coming. I'm just ready to be DONE. Done trying to conceive, done counting cycle days, done wondering, hoping, praying month after month for a miracle that doesn't come. I'm DONE. I'm ready for this last chance, and I'm ready for closure. I'm so ready to be DONE. So this is it folks!! First comes a vacay, then the news that will change our lives!!!

Please continue to pray for us as the fiances fall into place, the MD appts, and everything else that is to come!!! Thank you for loving and supporting us!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, February 21, 2010

Home Stretch....

So I went to the doctor today and had some CD2 lab work and ultrasound today. All I have to now is have an HSG to check my tubes and make sure nothing is inflamed or blocked. That is our last test, then we'll sit back down with the doctor and come up with a protocol to start the IVF. EEK!!!

Its hard to believe we are just about ready to start!!! I'm freaking out just a tad, but excited too. Its been 7 years in the making. This process, trying...We are to the point where we can try! Oh gracious. I'm so stoked. (I know this is nothing new but it is so surreal to me.)

So let's see, something else. I'm sick. I caught a lovely cold from all the sickies at work, it started as just laryngitis with 1/2 a voice, but now I just feel crappy and have no voice. Plus, as you can figure out, CD or cycle day 2 labs means there are other reasons I don't feel well. Work has been nuts and a vacation would be nice! HA!

Matt finished his scuba class, he goes for his first ocean dive class on Friday. I'm hoping someone will be able to take some photos so that I can post him under the water. It will be pretty cool!!!

OK my sickie brain needs to go to bed, I'm not making sense to myself! HA. I'll keep you posted as to what is next in this fun process. Thank you for your continued prayers!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, February 7, 2010

An update...

I apologize for not posting this sooner. But I've been processing for the last week and a half! Its quite overwhelming this process that we are heading into....

So we met Dr. K. I like her, she is spunky and honest and straight to the point. But kind and compassionate as well. Which is what I need. Looking at all our old tests and such, she agrees that IVF/ICSI is the way to go. She is happy that we are cutting right to the chase and going for it. She explained what the process entails and what we will need to do before hand to get ready. Basically, aside from surgery, we are doing most of the tests over and also doing a bunch that haven't been done.

Matt went in on Friday and his guys were, ahem, tested, and also had blood work. I too had blood work and cultures to make sure I'm not carrying any STD's or disease that would be harmful to a baby (yea I know STD studies are hilarious for me!! LOL). I had the first round of blood work done on Thursday, including Glucose and Insulin tolerance tests. 21 vials of blood. Yup you read that right, twenty one. And the majority of it fasting and then just a few more at the one hour and two hour point of the glucose test after drinking some funk stuff!! BLEH. I'm glad that part is over...It is the most blood that will be taken at one time. Then on day 2 of my cycle, I'll go in for MORE blood work and an ultrasound to check my ovaries and follicles followed by an HSG a week after that to make sure there isn't any fluid built up in my tubes that could potentially harm an embryo. Then we come together and sit down with the doc and decide the plan...

Part of what they are looking for is to make sure that I'm not going into ovarian failure or early menopause. I need eggs to do IVF, if no eggs, no IVF and our trying for a bio child would be over...So I'm a little nervous about that b/c I know something funky is going on in my system. But if all goes well, nothing needs to be corrected, then we will move forward. She will come up with a IVF protocol for me and we'll start first with suppressing my system, then amping it up and stimulating it to produce eggs. Then the process goes from there.

Its NUTS to think we are heading into this!! EEEK! I've been in a tail spin of emotions ranging from fear to excitement, to even frustration that we "have to go there". I was looking at the financials and it is just irritating to have to spend so much money for something that should be FREE and FUN... One total cycle with this clinic is $15,000. Our insurance pays half, so approx $7-8,000 will be our responsibility. That's a huge chunk of money. For a CHANCE....We don't get that back if it doesn't work...

I am ready to move forward, and I know God has a plan for us, but sometimes I wonder why this is our burden to carry. But please know I'm incredibly grateful for the chance, I'm just not liking going over the books to figure out how to do it...MEH...And I'm scared, just plain old scared. This is a HUGE step for us, full of crazies and chaos and finality. Its a mighty crazy ride we are on!

So that's it for now. Currently we wait for my period to start, then go from there. Continued prayers please!! As we start this journey, and for the finances to work out with as little stress as possible!! If you have any fundraising ideas that are easy, I'd appreciate them!! (And we'll always take donations for the Matt and Talley BABY fund! HA!!!) Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Praising God for closure...

WOW...OK so I was talking with my Mom in law (MIL) today and updating her on our appt this week. We were talking about Matt and I buying a home down the road and how Matt and I decided to put house hunting on hold and to solely focus on IVF and trying for a baby. Fact is, we can buy a house anytime, heck when I'm 50 we can, the market won't change so drastically that a new home won't be available to us in the future. But we can't try for a baby when I'm 50 or 40, or probably 35 for that matter. I'm running out of time, speaking from experience with some messed up girlie parts. I'm ready to run head on into trying for our baby, to grasp this last chance that we have. Because after this, we're done trying for a bio child, whether a baby comes or not. This fork in the road has split, and we aren't taking any further "bio" paths after this try is done. Yowsa, what hard pill to swallow!!

We continued to chat about God's timing, how He brought us to this place in our lives, this time in our lives so that we could try for a baby...That only b/c my job changed, and Matt's job changed, and our lives calmed down, and finances balanced, and this insurance became available...Only b/c numerous things came together in perfect unity, is there even an opportunity for us to proceed with IVF. Dunno about you but I see God's hand in all of this. But as we were chatting, in passing I mentioned how God is bringing us finality, that we are going to have closure. We will either have a child biologically, or we won't. No more of this hanging in the land of "unknown". Cuz lemme tell you it sucks to be going no where fast. To have no idea of what is to come, if its to come. Monitoring every cycle, watching every symptom, every sign of when conception is possible, or not. Then wondering as the end of a month comes, am I early, am I late? Is it possible that it happened? Could I be? No I'm not. And crushed month after month. I can't take that anymore. Even if IVF fails, and I have to grief the loss of a bio child, I will be OK. B/c for me, I will have done everything, tried everything. I won't be stuck in the land of "what ifs". I'll have walked all the paths. And I told my MIL, how nice it will be to be finished. No more unknown. Because this will bring me closure. And in the midst of the chaos, and the anticipation of whats to come, I'm praising God for closure.

We will have a bio child...

Or we won't...

But either way, it will be finished. And I can move on with my life, either as a new mom, or a potential adoptive mom, or a family of 2 with only the furry children. New doors, new journeys, new life is opening up to us and all because of God's great timing in all things. You'd think after YEARS I'd remember, its all within His timing and it lies within His hands. Silly me...

I know it may not make a lot of sense. How can something not working bring peace, but I know in my heart of hearts, however this turns out, I will be OK. WE will be OK. I will exalt my Lord, even if my heart is crushed. I will praise Him in the blessing, and in the pain. I WILL PRAISE HIM IN ALL THINGS...

Thank you for your continued prayers and support! It means the world to us! Have a blessed day in the Lord.

Sunday, January 24, 2010

Getting Nervous

Gosh, less then a week away. The doctor's office called on Friday just to "confirm my appt". Oh my gracious I think I swallowed my heart. EEEK! Just 5 days away from the fork in the road!! Oh my...

I am approximately every emotion that you can think of right about now!!! Excited, terrified, nervous, scared, hopeful, cautious....I am just not sure what to do with all of this. I found myself super duper weepy yesterday at church. One of my bro's friends just had their 3rd baby boy, and I found myself crying at the innocence of being with your husband and having a family. I was thinking about how we are moving forward, away from innocence and the product of love, to technology, science, cold and calculated. This is not how I expected to have a baby. With a team of doctors, nurses, and embryologists involved. I expected to fall in love, get married, be with my husband, and the product of that love to produce children. Heck, my hubby might not even be in the room if/when I get pregnant...How weird is that??

Now don't get me wrong, I'm ecstatic about the chance to get pregnant, that we have an opportunity to try for a child, I'm just grieving the loss of the innocence that is to come from becoming a mom. I'm not supposed to know the inner most workings of the female and male reproductive system. I know more about things, then even some of my doctors know. I mean come on, who can tell when they are ovulating based on amount/type of cervical mucous? That is more then ANYONE should have to know about their body!! Sheesh. And don't get me started on the sperm cycle. HA.

I guess, I'm just sad at the fact that this has come down to technology. But if it works, I'll surely get over it. I'm just a jumble of emotions and feelings and wonderment of all of this. And as each day creeps closer to THE day, I get more nervous, more anticipatory, and wonder, what is coming in our lives. Is this the end? Or will this be the beginning???

God give me the strength and guide me into Your will. It is the only place I want to be!!! Please continue to keep us in your prayers as we embark on this journey. Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

Sunday, January 17, 2010

New Year....New Oppurtunity...

Matt and I decided to share some news with you, as we feel we are going to need prayer from anyone we can reach. We are continuing to share the different journeys in our life, and want our readers to be a part of it...So as promised, here you go, our interesting news...

Because Matt was able to get his full time position back, he was also awarded BENEFITS. Something he usually doesn't have and my job carries. Well we went through the different plans and where I'm grateful to HAVE insurance, mine was so-so and REALLY expensive... (My portion is $750ish a month) Not to mention co pays and out of pocket costs are expensive. The joys of a small company. Well usually if Matt has insurance, its really crummy PPO type stuff where you pay enormous amounts for deductibles and out of pocket. Well this year, Apple has an HMOish type plan that is SOOO much better then mine, cheaper out of pocket and, get this, about $500 LESS a month! Yes you read that right. We are netting an additional $500 a month b/c of this new insurance! GOD IS GOOD!!!

So of course we decided to switch insurances. We are now on Apple's plan as of January 1st. Now I know you are asking me WHY I'm boring you with the details of our health insurance life....Well here is the interesting news/opportunity...Are you ready? Sitting down? OK here we go...


INFERTILITY TREATMENTS ARE COVERED!!! INCLUDING IVF!

Amazing right?? We are overjoyed! A ginormous chunk of IVF is covered by this insurance plan and makes the remaining cost so much more affordable that we can actually proceed forward with doing IVF to try and have a baby....(If you have no idea what IVF is, click here IVF to find out more) Now I'm sure there are some who are still saying "HUH?? What??"...So here's a background.

Matt and I need IVF with ICSI. Basically in a nutshell, we've been told our chances of conceiving on our own is about 2% or less, and even with IVF, chances are not that great. However they are considerably more then 2. However, for 6 years, this has been an unattainable goal, as IVF runs from $15-25,000 a cycle (yes that is 3 zeros). Knowing that something is your only option, yet knowing that option is so completely far out of reach, is rather depressing and frustrating. We've begged God for an option, a miracle, a plan, but have come up with NOTHING...Until now. :-)

We sat back and just looked at the situation in amazement. How God is orchestrating His will to fall in line. My job change will make it so much easier to take a few days off, to go to MD appt's, and much less stress to provide a much better resting place for little embryos. Financially we are much more stable, we are both healthier then we've been in years. I FEEL better, emotionally, physically, spiritually. If I tried to do IVF while still with the district, well, let's just say I don't think it would happen or take even if we were able too. Stress level was so far beyond tolerable, I can't imagine a little embie wanting to stick! LOL This is the time, God's timing, for us to try.

You don't have to tell me that "it may not work, you may not be able to, you may not get pg". I'm aware of reality. However we are moving forward prayerfully and feel God moving with us. Even when it slipped out to my office manager, she was so happy for us!! I know right? happy!! And very encouraging and supportive of taking time off, going to appt's, long lunches, etc. I can't tell you how happy it made me when she lit up all excited for this opportunity for us!!! WOOT! Just God opening another door, calming another fear, showing Himself in another situation. What an awesome God we serve!

So here we go! Our appointment with the new, insurance covered Reproductive Endocrinologist (RE) is January 29th. Just 12 short days away! I'm nervous and excited and happy and scared and EEK! This is it. Our final chance for a biological child. We will do this only once, I will not subject my body to more then one fresh cycle. If it works, yay, if it doesn't, then trying to conceive a biological child will be over. And whether a child comes this way or doesn't, God is still good, and I will still love Him. Yes of course I would grieve at the loss of a bio child, but we will have been grateful for the CHANCE and the closure. But for now, I'm remaining optimistic.

So here is where my readers come in. We need PRAYER. Lots and Lots of prayer. This will be a tedious road, in all areas. I know that a journey is coming that will take every ounce of strength I have, and we both are going to need to be held up in prayer by those we love and who love us. For me physically as I endure shots and hormones and procedures, and Matt as he deals with his psychotic wife who is on hormones and shots!! We are asking for you to join us in this journey, to be a part of whatever it is God has in store for us. To support us through the good, and the bad, whatever it may be.

So for now, prayer as we prepare for the first leg of the journey, the CONSULT, the first round of tests, and the actual cost that we will have to pay out of pocket.We appreciate your love and support!!! Please know that!! More is to come! I hope you are ready for some long posts, cuz me thinks they shall be a-comin'!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!