Remembering Oma

It's hard to believe it has been a year since she has gone to be with Jesus. One year ago today, at 2:33am this morning. I remember I had just gone to bed, I'd been up all evening and early morning with her and mom was taking shift. I heard Oma cry out. Her last vocalization. I wasn't even asleep yet. Mom came in the room and told me she was gone. Seems strange being that I was with her watching her as she slipped away, yet the reality of her being GONE, I wept at her bedside. Even though I'd already said my goodbyes. Has a year really come and gone? It feels like yesterday, the wound feels like it was yesterday. I remember being so grateful that she wasn't suffering anymore yet so mad that she was taken from me and my family. So much has happened since then.

I remember her smile, she'd light up a room, even if she was down in the dumps. She'd always give you a smile. How soft her hugs and touch were. I remember holding on to her lap and weeping like a small child when the reality of her death was coming. I remember her rubbing my back and saying her "ya ya ya" in that german accent of hers. That it was all gonna be OK, even without her here. I go to my mom's house and Oma's presence is just everywhere. Her room still SMELLS like her, FEELS like her. I see her everywhere I go in that house. Yet there is somethign missing. Her.

I think I've done a lot of my grieving and I'm doing OK, but there are moments, times when it feels like the wound is wide open, and the grief is so heavy I feel like I might burst. It was an honor to walk her through to her passing, but it is the most difficult thing I've ever done. But I would do it again in a heart beat. As hard as it was.

It's so strange to be doing a treatment cycle on this paticular anniversary. B/c she so wanted us to be pregnant. I wanted to give her that kind of news before she passed. But I never got the chance. She will never hold my children on this side of heaven. Yet I know that she would rejoice if it were to happen. And how weird if it were to work, to conceive on the anniversary of her passing. How strange...

I'm rambling!

I guess I'm just missing her today, remembering her, wanting a hug from her. I can't imagine what it's been like, a year in heaven. I guess for today, I miss you Oma and I will always love you.

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Quick Update

So life is still crazy as ever, but all is OK! School started yesterday and the lovely little dears are already making me bonkers!!! LOL

Matt is doing well, quite healed from his experience, but he has to follow up with a GI doc and have a colonoscopy! YIKES! Poor guy! Good thing he'll be sedated! :)

We are still at the hotel for now, maybe another week, week and a half? They start demo of the kitchen on FRIDAY! YAY!!!!! For now they are going to rip out the island, fix the leak and then fix the floor....Hopefully it's not to much damage under the slap! we shall see...

Otherwise, just living as usual! We are going to my Cuz's wedding reception on Saturday in Miami. Crazy dude got married in Jamaica RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF HURRICANE DEAN!! Crazy! But doing well and we shall celebrate that on Saturday!

So that's it from here!

Have a blessed day in the LORD!

OH MY GOODNESS

So this weekend has been crazy: Here is a recap: Some TMI

Matt has been having bowel um issues all last week, we knew something was really wrong on Friday evening and went to the urgent care center, who dismissed us, said matt was just constipated, refused to do an Xray, and made matt drink this 4liter bottle of stuff called goLytely (which is like a cup full of sea water that quickly and usually efficiently empties your bowels)

Anyway we got through 3 liters with absolutely NO response, his stomach was HUGE and hard, no bowel sounds, and at 2 in the morning I called 911 from the hotel. He was picked up and taken to the ER where they immediately gave him XRays and CT scan and found a large bowel obstruction. He was prepped for surgery b/c his tummy was SO distended and w/o bowel sounds he could pop a bowel and get sick from all the poop entering in the belly. SO he had to get a NasoGastric (NG) tube a foley Catheter, IV's blood draws, he is terrified of doctors and usually stays away from them b/c so healthy...He had a horrible night and it broke my heart to watch...

Thankfully, the NG tube did its job and helped to decompress matt's belly. So surgery was put on hold b/c his bowel sound started coming back, so they admitted him and started to try and break up the blockage by other means. he recieved over a dozen enemas and FINALLY things started to break up! (sorry I know TMI) Now this is about 20 hours AFTER he started the Go Lytely which usually works within 1 hour. Yesterday they pulled all the tubes out, matt was very happy and he began to tolerate eating slowly, XRay showed blockage had passed YAY go GOD!!! TRULEY MIRACULOUS!!!!

He was discharged last night (sunday) (at 11PM!!! UGH) and he came home!! well home sweet hotel anyway!!! we slept until noon today, well I did, then came home to pay bills, and matt is still asleep. He is feeling MUCH better but his body has been through an ordeal, and it will take a few days to recoup!!!! I'm just praising God he is OK. I was REALLY REALLY scared. His belly was like 8 months pregnant, NO LIE, and so tight you could bounce a quarter off of it. And he had no bowel sounds which is NOT good in the medical world....He was just crying hysterically in so much pain, which is why I called 911...best thing I could of done b/c we never would have made it at home...He could have popped his bowel, that's how bad this was~!!!! we came close, but God prevailed!

So not only the fun of matt, yesterday AM i got a call from my dad he took my mom to the ER (diff hospital of course, so I was going back and forth) She was having chest pain on the left and short of breath.....SHE IS OK too thankfully. Turns out she got into a coughing jag and coughed so hard she broke a rib!!!! Can you believe it? But they wanted to make sure she was OK, no clots or anything, so ran a bunch of tests...all is good except for a cracked rib!! She is in pain but doing OK, off work for a week or so b/c she can't move fast and has to rest!!!! AHH!!!

I'm just praising God right now b/c things could have been so much worse! GOD IS GOOD! and I am GRATEFUL! So again, never dull in the Mac house, but God is bigger then a blocked bowel!!! LOL

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

LONG TIME NO WRITE!

Hey everyone!! so sorry that we have not been posting much lately. It has been BONKERS in the MAC house! I went to IN to visit a girlfriend of mine and was gone for a few days...I came home to a leak in our kitchen, didn't know what it was but as the rain intensified, so did the leak. Turns out our main pipe coming into the kitchen is leaking under the concrete and tile draining water into the ground, or while it's raining, into the kitchen. WE have extensive damage to the wall and the counter/island thing...SO we are without water right now as we are waiting on insurance to work through the numbers and to start demo...PRAISE GOD we will be getting a WHOLE NEW KITCHEN!!! and a fixed leak at the same time!!! LOL We started out at my mom's house and stayed there for a week when the water was turned off, but the insurance company didn't like that Matt wasn't in a safe envioronment (example: he fell in the shower! OUCH). So they gave us an advance on Loss of Use, and moved us into a wonderful Hampton Inn...EVEN BETTER, God gave us a SUITE for only $10 more a night, and it is HUGE!! We will be there for the next month, and I don't have much access to a computer, except when I'm home to work on projects...

On the Infertility front, matt and I did a few things this summer, including an IUI, intrauterine insemenation .

Unfortunately it resulted in a negative outcome. Since then we have been put back on hold do to a cyst that I developed b/c of the treatment cycle. We were heartbroken, confused, and frustrated. But I know God is in control. We are continuing to hold out hope for our miracles to be created!!! We just pray it isn't to much longer.

Well that is it from the Mac front. We will be back and forth as much as possible! We miss you all! Have a blessed day in the Lord!