Hello friends!

Long time no see. I've just not had much to write. All tho life is full and rich! And to God be the glory for all of it!! So I'll update you on my precious boy...

He is 8 months old. He crawls backwards but not forward. He rolls around and can sit up on his own. He pulls up to his knees but not standing all the way (but soon! EEK) He blows kisses, smiles and laughs in glee. He has two bottom toofies an has the most amazing blue eyes and is FINALLY getting some hair! He loves to snuggle when he's tired. And is a fabulous eater! To the point where I turned his nose orange from all the orange veggies I was feeding him! LOL...He is an amazing little boy and I am abundantly blessed!

Its still so hard to believe at times that this little boy is MINE. That he is my son that I wake up to every morning babbling in his crib. I'm so grateful!! I think back to the journey, what lead us to Sam, all the years of pain, hope and tears. And here we are!! And its passing so quickly, he is growing and changing every day. And my heart is so full it could just burst!! Thank you Lord for this gift!!

Work is great, very busy but I'm enjoying it. Matt is still living with Apple poor guy. But he maintains his job for the sake of us. I'm grateful. Our exciting news is that I am gonna be an auntie for the first time on my side. My bro and SIL are pregnant and due in April! Sam is gonna have a precious cousin. We are very excited!

Oh this journey. This life's walk that we are on!! It is so twisty and turny, ups and downs. I still wonder why I was blessed and so many others have not been yet. My heart still breaks for those I love who are struggling for littles of their own. I know I did nothing to deserve this little boy and God blessed us anyway. Its like our Salvation. I did ABSOLUTELY nothing to deserve my salvation, yet God blessed us anyway. What an amazing giving God we serve! To so generously give me my son, and His. I've been sitting in wonder of that lately. And so humbled and grateful as well.

My heavenly Father. Thank you for these precious gifts in my life! For a husband who loves me abundantly and unconditionally, for a home that protects me from life's storms, those silly fur babies that drive me nuts, a secure job that I enjoy, my miracle son that I get to hold and love on every day, and most importantly, for your Son and the salvation we have received because of Him. I'm so grateful and thankful....

I know many who read this are still waiting on their miracles. And please know that my heart has not forgotten, I KNOW where you are at, how you are feeling and hurting. I think today I just wanted to make a point of reminding us all to be THANKFUL for the blessings in our lives. Our precious spouses, homes, jobs. And my prayer is that I will be rejoicing with you soon on your own miracles.

No rhyme or reason today! Just random thoughts. Thank you to those of you who still come by to see if I've written. I see there have been tons of hits!! I'm honored!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Rainbow Babies...

I'm stealing this from a girl (Laura) on Hannah's Prayer. She had posted it about our miracle babies, and this is just the perfect words for this journey...

Short and sweet! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

RAINBOW BABIES

"Rainbow Babies" is the understanding that the beauty of a rainbow does not negate the ravages of the storm. When a rainbow appears, it doesn't mean the storm never happened or that the family is not still dealing with its aftermath. What it means is that something beautiful and full of light has appeared in the midst of the darkness and clouds. Storm clouds may still hover but the rainbow provides a counterbalance of color, energy and hope."

Promise...

I've not gone missing!! Life has been CRAZY! New job, new routine. I just can not keep up!! this working mom stuff is HARD! But I'm so in love!

I have a couple of started posts that I'll need to go back and finish...

For those who have checked on me, THANK YOU! It is appreciated! We are not gone, only detoured and running a bit on empty! :-)

However, before I go, I must say that I am the proud mommy of a SIX MONTH OLD today! I can't believe how the time has flown! He is sitting up, rolling forward and backward, eating all kinds of fruits and veggies, smiling, laughing, and just overall being the light of our lives! I'm abundantly blessed that I am so busy with MY SON! God is good!!!

So this quick post will be left with a video...Mr. Sam Chit Chattin'.
Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Samuel's Dedication...

Oh my, we have a son that we are dedicating to the Lord!! Oh Lord I never thought it possible, I had given up hope that this day would come! Yet we prepared today to return this precious child to you, and promise to raise him in Your name! Thank you Lord for this miracle boy!

The service was amazing. And appropriate as Pastor Tom spoke Honor and preached out of 1st and 2nd Samuel. What an honor! What another God thing! As this day had been postponed twice only to end up having dedication on the very weekend Pastor spoke on Samuel. You can actually watch the sermon here: Honoring What God Honors .

So our church does a beautiful thing for the dedicated children. They gave us a letter, a letter that we will give our son when he accepts Jesus into his heart. It tells of how his mommy and daddy brought him to the church to be dedicated before the people, promising to raise him in the Lord, and how he is a child of God. That he was loved before he could even understand the word, and that his church family lifted him up in prayer, rejoicing in the gift God had given to this world. How awesome is that? Plus he got his first bible. It was just amazing! I'm so humbled by the gift that God has given us!!!

We then celebrated at mom and dad's house. Had family over and a food and fellowship, celebrating this little boy. God is so good! Thank you for this gift dear Lord!!! Here are some photos. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Quiet Sunday Morning

I'm listening to both my guys snore. Its just lovely. No really, it is. :-) To hear the two guys in my life that I'm just utterly in love with. I'm beyond blessed! Its amazing to sit back and see the wonderful things God has given me! I wish I had words of gratitude for all I have been blessed with.

No real point to this post today. Just sittin' back and babbling away. We had a wonderful July 4th service at church yesterday. Our pastor was on fire for restoration in our country. I'm in complete agreement! Totally ready for our nation to return to the ways of the Lord. To bring Christ back to the heart of our country. Regardless, I'm so grateful to live in a free nation. And so thankful for those men/women who have fought for that freedom, continue to FIGHT for my freedom. I'm so thankful! Grateful I can blab on an open blog about My God and all He has done for me!! Thank you Lord for freedom!

Sammy is gettin' big. His 4 month check he was at 16 lb 7 oz and 25in long. He's got a big ol' head and the MD says he's just gonna be a big boy. That could go without saying!! Look at the height/weight of those he comes from!! Football player maybe? Ha! What a blessing this little boy is. I just have to pinch myself every day, truly remembering he is MINE. All mine! Thank you Jesus for him! What an amazing testament to the power of our Lord! My own little miracle. Ok not so little anymore. :-) Look how far we've come!

Crazy...Again no real rhyme or reason to my posting today. Just feel like thanking Jesus for all the gifts in my life. My husband, my son, my freedom, my family...Most importantly, MY SALVATION, because w/o that, nothing else matters! Thank you Lord for this journey you have taken me on! I can't wait to see what else is in store!

Happy Birthday America! May everyone have a fabulous 4th of July! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

What a special day!

Today marks one year that my son was created. Isn't that crazy that I know the date that my son was created?? Its funny to have a picture of a time that is normally hidden. Creation that is done in the silence of one's body. Something that only just recently advanced science has been able to witness. The creation of LIFE.

1 year ago today I was wheeled into an operating room where the weeks of hormones, shots, ultrasounds and bloodwork presented itself in the form of 10 eggs being removed from my ovaries. (its not a fun place, lemme tell ya) And then those eggs were mixed with Matt's guys (tee hee) and my little babies were formed! How AWESOME is that?? Life was created...MY CHILD'S LIFE.

Even tho its all so "medical". The intervention was not that of a marriage union, but one of needles and medicine, it still brought me this precious son I have in my arms! But to think, even with all this technology, science has yet to perfectly re-create pregnancy 100% of the time. If they could, there would be no IF, no broken hearts yearning for a child. Still in all this modern technology, God's masterful hand has to be in it. HE still has to breathe life into this creation. And I'm so very thankful that He did! Because I have my precious son!

So today I celebrate the creation of my child's life! ( and his 6 frozen embryo siblings) I'm so thankful that the beginning of this journey started today, 1 year ago. The journey to my son. Thank you so much Lord for this precious child of mine!!!

Have a blessed day in the LORD!

This is Sammy as a 5 day Blastocyte













And THAT turned into THIS. God's amazing CREATION!!!

Busy busy busy!

I'm such a bad blogger! I'm so sorry my faithful readers. :-) But can you tell work started? Cuz I have NO TIME TO WRITE NOW!! LOL...I'm adjusting to being a working mom, but I'm grateful to have the means to care for my family!

First off, NEW JOB! God is so good. I'm working at Palms West Hospital again!!! I feel like I've come home. I LOVE working at the hospital!! Its such a joy! Hands on with the patients, AND I get pediatrics and adults. I'm working in ASU aka Ambulatory Surgery Unit. Basically we are the Pre-op department that you start in just prior to going into surgery. Its fast paced and wonderful ladies work there, and I'm enjoying it. Not to mention the fact that I only work 2-3 days a week and get to spend 4-5 days with Sammy! Its perfect! God is so good for bringing this job into our life!!!

Sammy is getting BIG! I don't know how much he weighs b/c he hasn't seen the Pedi, but I'd say a good 15lbs! He is developing such a personality and temper! He is starting to reach for stuff and LOVES to try and sit up and stand! I put together an exersaucer for him yesterday and he is almost tall enough for it, about 1/2 in too short! But I'm thinking it will be fabulous for him. He is relatively sleeping through the night, about 10-10.5 hrs a night? Trying to get on a napping schedule, but I'll be happy with sleeping through the night!! Oh and he is so full of personality, smiles and giggles. He loves to have conversations with anyone who will listen. He is such a joy! I'm in love with this little boy.

Mother's Day this year was so different then what we've had for the last 7 years. I spent it in Miami with my parents, aunties/uncle, cousins and of course my SON. MY SON, wow, those words are still so surreal to me. I'm a mom!! I have a precious little boy of my own!! Its so crazy to think about! And I'm truly grateful for this little boy in my life! What a precious blessing he is!

I enjoyed being able to celebrate MY mom, because she has stood by me for all these years, giving me the space I need, not forcing me to celebrate a heartbreaking day, being the generous loving mom that she is. Giving up her day for my peace. So to be able to celebrate this year, not just me now being a mom, but finally celebrating together MY mom, it was a blessing. I'm so blessed to have her in my life! She is just the most understanding, kindest, gentlest, most loving person in the world!!! And lucky me, I GET HER FOR A MOMMY!! I'm so lucky! I love her with every breath I breathe! Thank you Lord for this precious lady in my life! My son is blessed to have her for a Nana.

Well , its not much of an update, but I wanted to show that I am still here! Nothing real profound to say, but grateful for the oppurtunity to say it! ;-) Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

Mothers-to-be Day

I was scanning through Facebook when I noticed a post from our IVF clinic. I love how they post notes of encouragement, hope and just good ol' heart filling tidbits. They are just fabulous like that! They make it not just about "come get treatment here! Give us thousands of dollars!! We are the best!" blah blah blah. Their bottom line is not about the $$ but about the success and truly bring joy to those who desperately want a child. They are pretty awesome like that...

Anyway, so I noticed today that they posted a note for "Mothers-to-be Day". Intriguing thought, so of course I went to read it. It was just so encouraging, I had to post it here....ENJOY!

She broke the bread into two fragments, and gave them to the children, who ate with avidity. “She has kept none for herself,” grumbled the sergeant. “Because she is not hungry,” said a soldier. “Because she is a mother,” said the sergeant. – Victor Hugo

The other day I ran into another one of those patients that always makes me smile when I see her. She brought me up to date on what was happening in her life. It was a story of debilitating pain and multiple surgeries to try and relieve the pain. Instead of relief she developed a tumor in the area that required more surgery. In the end she was still in just as much pain and on chronic medications for it. I expressed my heartfelt sympathy for what she has had to go through. She smiled and said she’s fine and that she is almost off of the pain medications because she is planning to come to see me soon to try to have another baby. She was coming off of the medications not because she didn’t have pain, she was coming off of the medication because she wanted to have another baby. I looked into her eyes – and her smile and realized I am a better person for knowing her.

Mother’s day is upon us. It is not that welcome of a holiday for my patients. Gifts passed out at church or given by a well meaning spouse do little to fill the void of yearning that brings them to my office. We hear stories about the great love, sacrifice and courage that mother’s have for their children, but little is said about the incredible love, sacrifice and courage of my “mothers-to-be”.

It takes incredible courage to acknowledge that there is even a problem. We all want to believe that we are in control of our lives and to acknowledge that there is a fertility problem is to internalize a lack of control over this incredibly sensitive part of their lives.

It takes courage to seek medical attention. No one likes to see doctors (I’m over a year late for my colonoscopy), and the trip to the fertility doctor is a particularly difficult journey.

It takes courage to undergo procedures that are not comfortable and are in an area where discomfort is particularly unwanted.

It takes courage to face the possibility of disappointment. Studies have shown that when a woman experiencing infertility has a period, indicating that once again she is not pregnant, she experiences the same degree of grief as if her brother or sister had just died. Most of us will go through that only once or twice in our lifetime. Imagine going through that every month for years. Then imagine going through a specific procedure to get pregnant and having it not work.

It takes courage to hope that it will work the first time and proceed , and even greater courage to experience a failed attempt and then turn around and have the courage to hope again.

These women undergo great sacrifices.

They sacrifice the intimacy of what was supposed to be a wonderful and intensely personal experience with their partner for a doctor’s office.

They sacrifice time on often repetitive visits for monitoring and procedures.

They sacrifice financial resources as they struggle to have something that everyone around them seems to receive without thought and sometimes with disdain.

They sacrifice personal comfort, sometimes thinking that if they experience pain, they will be more worthy of the “gain” they so desperately seek.

Why? Why do they do this? They do this for the same reason the mother gives her bread and goes without. They do it for love. The only difference is that they do it for a deep abiding love for a child that they have not yet held, a voice they have not yet heard, a smile they have not yet seen, and a touch they have not yet felt.

My smiling patient had experienced infertility for 10 months when she came to see me. It was clear that each passing month was difficult. She had endometriosis and her husband had a sperm problem. We unfortunately discovered that her biological clock was more advanced than it should have been. When two months of inseminations failed, she went immediately to IVF. She required high doses of medication to produce 9 eggs but only made 4 embryos. One of them would be her beautiful baby boy.

Sixteen months after delivery, she was back for a brother or sister. She did IVF again. Similar story with a positive pregnancy test but then the pregnancy hormone dropped, leaving her with what is called a “biochemical pregnancy”. The pain from her medical condition had reached a peak and she had to stop infertility treatment to pursue that. She returned two years later after many surgeries and no relief in her pain with the intent to continue but could not. She returns now two years later having experienced a tumor where her pain surgeries had been and having had an additional 7 biochemical pregnancies – and she still wears a smile. She is the epitome of the courage, sacrifice, and love that characterizes mothers in general and the “mothers-to-be” that I have the privilege of associating with every day.

To each of them and to mother’s everywhere, Happy Mother’s day!

Drew V. Moffitt, M.D., FACOG, is the co-medical director of the Arizona Reproductive Medicine Specialists (ARMS), the director of the Division of Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center and an assistant professor at the University of Arizona. He is now president of ARMS and director of the Division of Reproductive Medicine and infertility for the residency program at Good Samaritan Regional Medical Center. Dr. Moffitt has significant clinical experience in assisted reproductive technologies and reproductive surgery.

How awesome is that?? And so true!!! I hope you find some encouragement today, just as I did... Have a blessed day in the Lord!

National Infertility Awareness Week

Today begins National Infertility Awareness Week

IF has changed us forever. Even though Sammy is now here, we continue to stand beside all of those whose arms ache and long to hold a child of their own, whose hearts grieve the children born the other side of heaven, and those whose journey is not yet over. We will not forget how incredibly blessed we are and will not stop praying for those who are still waiting...

Stand beside that person in your life who is walking this journey. Hold them, pray for them, hug them. Remind them that even if you do not understand their journey, you are there for them. I will never EVER forget...

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

I have to share....

Lookie what I got today!!!


Tons of smiles and cooing! Sammy had his 8 week appt today. I have such a big boy!!! He is up 2lbs in 3 weeks!! He is now 11lbs 14 oz 22.5 in long!

He did so good w/his shots, screamed bloody murder, but calmed down real easily. I on the other hand, my poor mommy heart! Some tears, but we survived!

BUT OH MY before our appt, he broke out into big ol' smiles! And giggling and cooing with the smiles and staring at me! OH it melted my heart!!! It lasted for like a 1/2 hr while I was on the phone with my mommy! It was so amazing! Oh I am in love with him!! He is just so precious! Praise you Jesus for this miracle!

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Transition, Healing and Inspiration...

Hello my friends!! Oh my, life is crazy, exhausting, but oh my heart is so full! Sammy is 6 almost 7 weeks old. He is growing like a weed, bright eyed (BLUE eyes I might add) and starting to smile. My mommy heart is just melting as I watch him grow and change every day... I'm truly blessed to have this little boy in my life!!

This is gonna be looooong. Get some coffee or a small snack before you sit down to start reading! :-)

I'm thankful for maternity leave because lemme tell ya, besides the physical exhaustion, I'm emotionally and spiritually zapped as well! My brain has been trying to write a post for several days now, but I keep getting interrupted. Mom told me to give the baby to Matt and sit down and write. So that is what I am trying to do! HA! (all tho it still took me a couple days!)

The last few days, specifically Friday through today (Tuesday) has been a WHIRLWIND of emotions and stuff. I don't know if I can make this make sense, but I'm going to try.

On Friday I was chatting with Matt. Mother's day (MD) is approaching, and even though I am a mother, I find myself struggling with the day. Crazy right? I need to be happy I'm a mom doggone it and I need to "get over" the fact that I WAS infertile and am now NOT. Sounds simple enough. And for some who have walked this journey, maybe that transition was easy for them, maybe its because I'm still so new in this identity that I'm not quite there yet. Still living on adrenaline and caffeine really!

I've been the "IF chick" for over 7 years. That is an identity that has defined me in every way shape and form: physically, mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I've spent years hiding on MD, running from the approaching pg belly, ducking out of baby showers, avoiding mother's gatherings and spending the days protecting my very sensitive, IF heart. I've grieved and hurt and struggled for YEARS, been through loss of hope, anger, frustration and despair. And now, it feels all of a sudden, that identity has DRASTICALLY changed. I AM A MOM. Obviously mentally I'm quite aware, and physically as well (considering I spend my days being MILKED like Bessie the Cow). However emotionally? I haven't caught up. I struggle with residual pain, uncertainty and years of wounds that just don't miraculously "heal" because I now have a baby. Sammy is not a magical band aid that cures years of pain and to expect him to is much to big of a burden for such a little person. Besides, my healing needs to come from Christ alone. Does having a child help? Oh absolutely without a doubt! But I still need to work through the junk that IF leaves behind, and in only Him alone can I succeed. It amazes me how IF even intertwines in THIS part of my life, being a mom...

That said, God is working on me! He is helping me to TRANSITION into who I am as a mother to this precious little boy. He is throwing people in my life who are helping me! On Saturday, I went to my friend G's house for a "family" Easter egg hunt. Huh something I'd have avoided like the plague up til now. G is also a fellow IF chick, now the proud mom of 3 1/2 miracles. G called me up and told me I needed to be around other mommies. I need some adult/family time, learn to be in this new phase of my life. So I bundled up Sammy and my nerves and went to her house. And God love her, she totally welcomed me into the mess-ah kids and moms and dads. She shared our story briefly and I was welcomed with open arms. Score one for being a Mommy! I tackled my first "mommy" outing. WOW, I love how God gives me just who and what I need!

So this lead to Sunday and a 2 1/2 hr conversation with my mom on the phone. (I love her, she is just the bestest BFF in the world). I was explaining to mom how God is showing me and helping me to transition into this new life role of being a mom. Helping my emotional to catch up to my mental and physical. I shared with her the struggles I was having with MD, not only b/c of the past difficulties I've had with the holiday, but also knowing that there are hurting hearts that are going to be struggling that day, and I just can't forget those that have not moved on yet. Those who are still waiting, arms still aching, hearts still hurting as they hold on to what thread of hope they have left. MY heart is breaking FOR THEM. What makes me so special that God allowed me to move forward while they are still having to wait. It's a hard place to be.

But my mom reminded me that, just like I had to do when it was me watching someone move forward while I had to wait, I can not let someone elses heartache decrease the joy of MY miracle. I can't allow satan to steal my joy for the son that God has given me. I will forever be able to understand and empathize with an IFer, my journey will always be there in the background. It is part of who I am. It has molded and shaped me into the woman/daughter/wife/mother that I am today. That will never change. However I can not diminish my joy because I am just robbing myself, my husband, my son, our family of the essence of this miracle. And diminishing my joy will not help anyone who is walking this IF journey. If I allow it, satan wins. Instead it is time for me to HEAL. Time for me to just sit in the presence of Jesus, praising Him for the miracles in our life! WOW powerful stuff right??

I told mom that day that I wished that there would be SOMETHING good that came of all those years of heartache. Of course Sammy is "something good" but I mean that it wasn't in vain. That our IF journey, all that we went through was not in vain and ultimately that God would receive the glory in all things. That just by God using our journey to help one life, that will make it all worth it, b/c then God can be glorified in the heartache and the pain.

I was breezing through our blog, the months prior to finding out about the IVF coverage, and came across this post I'd written...Funny how I don't always remember writing stuff, but how I can look back and God slaps me silly all over again, reminding me why I do this, why I pour my heart out to the world wide web. I had posted Psalm 40, but it was verses 1-5 that hit me when I read them again, and what I'd written...

Psalm 40
For the choir director: A psalm of David.

1 I waited patiently for the Lord to help me,
and he turned to me and heard my cry.
2 He lifted me out of the pit of despair,
out of the mud and the mire.
He set my feet on solid ground
and steadied me as I walked along.
3 He has given me a new song to sing,
a hymn of praise to our God.
Many will see what he has done and be amazed.
They will put their trust in the Lord.
4 Oh, the joys of those who trust the Lord,
who have no confidence in the proud
or in those who worship idols.
5 O Lord my God, you have performed many wonders for us.
Your plans for us are too numerous to list.
You have no equal.
If I tried to recite all your wonderful deeds,
I would never come to the end of them.

Now for those who know me, know US, has God not shown us amazing blessings? Just rocked us with shocking WOW times, right??? Verse 5 just totally is a psalm of "us". I love this psalm, it may be one of my new life "verses"...I pray that verse 3 is that the miracle will happen and those who are around to see it, will know the ONLY WAY was that God stepped in and intervened...

Man my God has stepped in and intervened!!! Which leads me to Inspiration. All I've ever desired from this blog is to be a shining light for Jesus. That maybe, just maybe, by sharing our hearts cry, our story of struggle, sacrifice and redemption, that God may use it for His glory. That someone "may see what He has done and be amazed", and they "will put their trust in the Lord". It would make all of it, every single step of the last 7+ years worth it. And God would be praised.

And my God is just awesome, because not only does he hear my hearts cry, answer my prayers and hold me in His arms, he again shows that He is working in my life. Every day, right this moment. On Monday I received a note from a lovely lady, Mrs. C, who has been following our blog and recently started posting to it and sharing HER life with me. (she lives in Ireland by the way) I am humbled that someone on the other side of the world would take interest in our life. She had asked if she could post a link to our blog on her blog, to share some of our journey with her world. I had said yes, not thinking anything of it. Oh my, she absolutely knocked my socks off!! This precious lady wrote the most humbling and heartfelt post that has left me in tears. (I'll post the link at the end) Simply put, she wrote that our blog was the inspiration for her blog and why she is sharing her life with the world. That maybe, just maybe, someone down the road, may be encouraged by her life's journey just as she was encouraged by our journey. Being an outstretched hand of God.

Just the day before I had told mom, that just one life touched by Jesus, one GOOD thing to come of our heartache, and it wouldn't be a journey in vain. And the NEXT DAY, God showed us that He continues to be faithful, and "all things work together for good for those who love the Lord". ALL THINGS work together for good!! ALL THINGS! My IF is not in vain, my heartache is NOT in vain, our journey was NOT IN VAIN! GOOD has come from all of this! Praise Jesus!

What a journey! What momentous ah-ha time in my life!! I'm transforming into this new being, this new stage in my life while all along God is continuing to inspire. What I prayed would be used to help someone else's life, turned around and is helping me. I can finally say, it is OK for me to change, OK for me to transform, OK to let go of heartache that I've held on to for so long. And because of that, it is OK for me to FINALLY start to heal.

What a mighty God I serve!! Have a blessed day in the Lord...

LINK to the post from Mrs. C. Check out her blog and her reason for it's name. She is an amazing writer.

Just some pictures...

Sammy will be 4 weeks old on Friday. Holy MOLY!!! He is going through a major growth spurt right now and sucking the life out of mommy! Oiy...But he is still cute as can be! Have no idea how much he weighs, but he feels 9lbs already!!! He'll be out of newborn diapers in a week if that. Thankfully the diaper fairies had given us CASES of size 1 and 2 diapers, so we are set for a while! YAY Praise God! Even in this, God has provided!! We are truly blessed!

First here is a link to his newborn session by Jamilah's Creative Touch. You'll have to make a sign into Pictage, but you'll be able to see the photos. (I think you can see my maternity photos too).

Sammy's Newborn Photos

And here is some randomness. Snuggles, bath time, and just plain cute! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

My heart is touched!

I am amazed. One that anyone has ever READ this blog outside of family, and two, that there are people out there who have been excitedly awaiting my post about Samuel's arrival! WOW...I'm honored and touched! THANK YOU for sharing in our life's story!! How did you ever find us???

Life is a whirlwind!! Whirlwind of excitement, busyness, emotion, and of course DIAPERS. I literally sit in awe, weeping, that THIS is MY child. Here to stay! Not for me to give back to someone! MY CHILD!! Oh praise you my Lord! I don't know quite how to put into words how thankful and overflowing my heart and soul are!

In fact, I'm sitting here in tears as I type this, listening to my darling husband debate with Sammy that a slightly dirty diaper is not that bad, and he really shouldn't cry so loud because he's not REALLY that wet. As funny as it sounds, it fills my heart! My life long dream has come true!! I'm a mommy! And that silly hubby of mine is a daddy...To an absolutely beautiful miracle!!

Tears I guess are just a fact of life these days. My heart is just so full it must overflow somewhere. But not just tears of joy and gratitude, but tears for those I have "left behind" by becoming a mom. Those whom I love dearly, who yet to hold their precious little ones in their hands. They are not far from my mind. Even in the hustle and bustle of a new baby, I'm still hurting and begging God to bring THEIR miracle as well. And a lot of "why me God? What did I do to deserve this precious gift?". I still wish God would give just a tad bit of insight on this journey, mine, my friends, my family. Why 7 years for us? Why 10 for others? and why never for some...

See I'm all a mess. But as I put my little boy down to bed tonight, and sang a church hymn I've only ever sang to other people's kids, that I've wondered if I'd ever get to sing to my child, my heart rejoices in all this. And I praise Him in all things. God is still good, as my heart overflows, and other hearts break, God is still good. Maybe its our turn to bring hope...

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

The arrival of our Miracle....

Forgive me for not posting more since January. The last few weeks of my pregnancy were quite difficult and long, and I pretty much came home and crashed each evening...However, pregnancy is behind me as our son has arrived!!!

It has been a WHIRLWIND of a week!!! Sammy made an early appearance at 38wks...First the important stuff:

Samuel Russell MacIntosh
Born 2/25/11 at 2:01pm
7 lbs 10 oz, 20 in long

I went in last Thursday 2/24 to my doc as usual. Was excited to make it my last day of work on Friday b/c I was BURNT!~ He did all the normal stuff, non-stress test was fine, biophysical profile u/s was perfect, BP was up a bit 130/90 but outside of a headache, felt like a normal day. Baby was high still, only started effacing, no dilation, but seeing as I had 2 weeks to go, I had plenty of time to make progress. Then they checked my urine. 2+ protein. Well that grounded me, no more work, and he was worried b/c I was showing signs of pre-eclampsia. He drew labs and if they were funky, baby would come on Fri by C-Section (CS), if OK, then we'd see about starting an induction on Monday or Tuesday.

Yea, didn't make it to Monday...

Cried all the way home, didn't want the CS, scared of the CS, wanted something NORMAL for once. Stinkin' IF made everything cold and medical, wanted something to be natural, but also want healthy baby...Just was hard. Thankfully mom came to the rescue as always! Gave me an outlet to cry it out, discuss my fears, and just come to the acceptance that a CS may be what we need, but whatever gets Sammy here safe is what is important. So we went to our final birth class which ironically was about CS's...And went home for the night to hydrate and put my footsies up. (I swelled quite a bit my last 4 weeks)

About 10pm I noticed my head was really hurting, just laying on the couch on my side, not feeling quite right. So silly nurse me too my BP. Yea I went through 3 different cuffs b/c I wasn't believing what I was seeing. Unfortunately i was getting 170-180/100's. Um, not good. Called my OB and of course they told us to go to the hospital. Poor Matt was just getting a cold and had only gone to bed an hour before, had to wake him up and tell him we had to get a move on!! I was NOT prepared, didn't have a bag packed or anything. I figured I'd have another week of chillin' at home to get ready for Sammy. HA, NOT.

We arrived at the hospital just before midnight, my admitting BP was 230/110, they immediately turned off all lights, laid me on my side, drew boat loads of labs and wouldn't let me up to do anything. Scary stuff. OB was called and came in and we made the decision to go ahead and delivery Sammy on that day (Friday)...I have to tell you, my OB is fabulous, he knew what to say and how to get me ready to go and I knew that God would keep us in His hands. (My OB is a christian and just outstretched hand of God!) God blessed us with the perfect staff member for every situation we went through. Our nurses just ROCKED!!

I digress. Anyway they put me on a magnesium drip and prepped for surgery, and at 2:01pm on Friday, Sammy was born. His head got STUCK in my belly and took a vacuum and another doctor laying across my belly to push him out the CS opening. Good heavens, I think they were moving furniture! He had a lot of respiratory difficulty when he was born and was taken to the nursery right away. All though I did get to see him for a moment and take a picture of our new family of 3. Matt went with him and got to cut the cord and all that fun daddy stuff.

He stayed in the nursery for several hours to get his lungs under control needed a lot of o2 and stimulation to get him going, but then he perked right up. I was left on the Mag til 24 hrs post CS. Oh my awful drug. I was not allowed up, I couldn't get up, I couldn't feed, I couldn't change him, he wasn't allowed to stay in the room with us, couldn't do anything you are supposed to do when your little one arrives. Thankfully the nurses would literally just come and latch him so he could do breast feeding (BF). It was a ROUGH 24 hrs post CS. I melted down on Saturday morning, but my hubby and mom stepped up and have been just taking care of me and caring for everything I needed. The mag did exactly what it was supposed to do, kept me healthy, prevent seizures and strokes, but oh its a hard road!! Its amazing w/in an hour of coming off the mag, the smoke faded, I could think clear, my grip and muscle strength came back! It was like the song "i can see clearly now the rain is gone".

Thankfully Sam got better respiratory wise and Saturday I went off the Mag, so it slowly got better after that. He was finally allowed to stay with us all day on Sunday. I was up and moving around and everything was just better. I finally got to snuggle and love on my little man all I wanted.

We were finally able to come home on Monday, my BP settled and the pre-eclampsia went away. Phew. My doctor told me later that he was scared to death, b/c I was so hypertensive he thought I'd have a seizure or a stroke...And lemme say how happy I am that I have a proactive doc that saw me twice a week! Probably saved my life! i wouldn't have been diagnosed until this past Monday if I saw him only weekly b/c the Monday before I'd been fine. God is good! He has definitely guided us through this journey every step of the way.

So we are getting used to our routine (ha, as if that exists yet). And sleep deprivation is a way of life. But oh he is so precious and beautiful and I'm just humbled by this gift! I can not believe he is HERE! And in my arms, healthy and precious. So sorry this was long. Who knew this day would come? Seven years, 7 months, countless tests, surgeries, procedures, hormones, heartache, tears, devastation, hope and prayer. Our God has given us this blessing. What a miracle! Samuel: Asked of God. Is that not the truth??? God has heard my prayer and answered with a miracle!!! I'm so humbled.

Thank you for all of you who have stood by us through this journey. We may have come to the end of this journey, but I believe we are now just starting a new one! The road OF parenthood! I can only continue to praise God in all things, and thank Him. What an overwhelming amount of emotion that is just bursting from inside me!!!

So with that, I'll leave you with a couple of pictures of our precious new addition. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Counting down...

Hello my dear friends. I apologize for not writing. It seems that I've been in this place of just listening, being, and reflecting. My mind has been empty of words!! Strange isn't it?? HA! A friend shared with me that she went through the same thing when she became preggie with her twins after IVF. That she felt God just leading her to be still.

Maybe its the years of going going going, trying to reach/attain this goal of mommy hood, hurting, grieving, anger, excitement, hope, tears, disappointment. Just this on going whirl wind of emotion and drive, that when that final "goal" was reached, I needed to stop and take a breath, and rest in the miracle God has given us. Don't know if that makes sense or not.

So basically, it has made me quiet. I haven't journaled, blogged, written ANYTHING. Just been going day to day enjoying what time I have with Sammy while he is in me, before he turns our lives upside down outside of me!

Pregnancy wise we are doing good. I'm 34 weeks and 4 days today. Its truly a miracle! Sammy is healthy and active, growing LARGER by the day. Overall I'm feeling OK. Very tired, some swelling and annoying headaches, but no signs of preterm labor, no issues, proceeding on schedule. Dr. V is pleased with how everything is going. He is being extremely cautious, monitoring us very closely so that if anything DOES change, he can jump on it. Praise God for Him giving me a cautious doc that can calm my fears without me even saying a word. So concerned about things happening at the very end, yet God has brought peace of mind through an amazing OB.

We had maternity photos taken last weekend. I do not have them yet but promise to post when I do!! I can NOT wait to see them!!! I've seen teasers only! And now I have to wait patiently for the rest. Pooh, don't like to be patient! Hee hee. Our long awaited shower is this Saturday. We have friends and family coming from all over!! We are blessed!! So many people are wanting to be a part of this, have BEEN a part of this journey, and are ready to celebrate the arrival of this miracle!! Matt and I are just in awe and humbled by the generosity and the blessings that are flowing over us!! God is just so good and merciful!

Nursery is coming along as well. Getting painted next week, new blinds, and final touches. The "grandma's" have been awesome in helping to get organized, and get everything ready to go for Sammy! All the final stuff is coming together~!

We start birthing classes on Thursday (that will be HILARIOUS to see Matt's face!! heh heh, he has no clue) and I continue to see my OB 2 x week. Movin' along!

Well that is it for an update. Sorry its not much, like I said I'm in a dry spell for writing. Please know how grateful we are for all of you, your prayers, support, love and blessings. This journey, even in the heartbreaking times, has brought such joy because of the awesome people God has brought into our lives!! Even through infertility, we are blessed!! And I have to say, that I'd walk this journey over and over, to have the people in our life that have been our rocks. And we just want to say THANK YOU. Well pictures will come next post! Have a blessed day in the Lord!!