A teaser picture...

From our photo shoot!!! I so want to see the rest!! I think its very cute...What do you think? More to come I hope!

Check out Jamilah's website! Her photos are amazing!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord.

I'm just plain tuckered out...

It has been a long crazy day!! It involved 911, 27,000 phone calls (OK bit of an exaggeration), a visit to a patient, IV, J tube, wound care, and 4 1/2 extra hours after work!!! Again I say...

L O N G
D A Y

But here I am at 1145pm typing up a bit of a blog post! Nothing new and exciting, which is so strange for us. But I just feel the urge to post about whatever is on my mind, which today, that would be NOTHING. HA! I'm hoping that by writing, more will come to the surface, and more are back and reading, now that I'm more faithful.

Can I just say, I love my job? Things are going so well, even amidst the crazy day. It is such a blessing in so many ways that I can't even begin to write them down. GOD IS GOOD! Can I get an AMEN?? And to work with one of my bud's who is a God fearing, Jesus loving freak...it just is plain amazing. I just have to say that I am so blessed!!! Thank you Lord! See all those months and years of prayers for God to pull us through WORKED. Thank you for holding us up and lifting up our needs to God, b/c he has made it quite clear he is listening.

I just pray, that some day, our most precious desire will come true. I was babbling to J about my promise ring/chastity ring, whatever you want to call it, that I wore prior to marriage. My hub and I were good little doobies and waited til we were married to join in marital union. (HA! I don't feel comfy saying, S E X online!! *blush* hee hee) Anyway I was telling her about giving the ring to Matt that will then one day go to our first born daughter. I IMMEDIATELY got all teary eyed because, I don't know if I'll have a daughter to give it to. My tradition and gift may stop with me because I may not be a mom. That sucks. One of those unexpected blows that pop up now and then, catch me off guard. I have to recenter myself, and get it back to OK. Gosh but it was hard today...Luckily I had to go see a patient so I was able to do so quickly but, man, i struggled!!! So alas, even when all is going right in the world, the gi-normous elephant in the room peeks his head around the corner and reminds me that I'm still a heartbroken infertile woman. Good thing I'm more then that to God, cuz that's a suck-face thing to be.

One step forward in growth and healing, 27 steps back. Sigh. The never ending path.

I guess somethings will just always be a part of who I am. One day I'll be OK with it. Guess today was not that day!! Praise God for grace, to pick me back up once I land flat on my face. Have a blessed day in the Lord.

This IS the truth!

This is a very cool video that my brother in law posted on Facebook. I just had to share! its really neat...Have a blessed day in the Lord

33

My lovely adoring spouse is 33 y/o today. Yes Matt has turned the big 3-3. We've had a lovely day, he worked his butt off, so did I. Then we went to his Mum's house for surf and turf. He surfed, I turfed. Moo.

It started with lobster races across the floor. OK no not really, that would be at his dad's house, not his very proper New England Mum!! :) But they did hang out in the kitchen sink until they nose dived into the boiling water. I anticipated screams and loud clanging, but alas, all was silent as the dove to their boiling death. RIP little lobsters. They may be cockroaches of the sea, but they are mighty tasty...Especially the claws dripping with butter. YUM my fave part. Matt wouldn't share, but my lovely mum in law gave me a claw! (did I mention my turf was filet mignon???) ROCKIN'!!

Matt got a new assortment of clothing and pants, followed by a $$ card. He plans on buying a "toy" with it as he did not obtain one for his birthday. I know how silly of me to buy my hubby underwear and not a toy. But his current skivvies are worthy of church as they are so HOLY....YIKES! (but I know a secret of things to come that he is not aware of! HA HA HA)

We had our foto shoot this weekend with my girlfriend J. We got lucky, the rain passed just long enough to have deep blue skies and humidity out the ying yang, but in the shade it was wonderfully cool. She took amazing fotos and lots of fun poses. I can't wait til she is done editing them!! I'll post some, or the link to her blog when they come in!!! I can't wait, but I spose patience is a virtue.

Nothing else going on, just busy as usual...Been rather calm for the Mac household. Holding true to the Paradise in our blog title! HA! Very unusual for us! Just a boring blog post updating you on Matt's bday!!! Its just over 2 weeks from my Aussie Auntie's arrival to the states! It will be exciting times in the Crownover/Mac household!!! I'll have plenty to share then!!!

For now, we are praising God for His abundant blessings in our life!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

A very cool poem...

I swiped this from another blog that I read. It was just so neat to me, so I thought I'd share. Not much new going on! We're having pics taken tomorrow for our Christmas card through the photog that I won the free portrait setting with. YAY! OK so here is the poem. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

The Potter's Vessel

The Master was searching for a vessel to use,

on a shelf there were many,

Which one would He choose?

Pick me, cried the gold one,

I’m shiny and bright, I’m of great value,

and do things just right.

My beauty and lustre will outshine the rest,

and for someone like you, Master, I would be best.

But the Master passed on with no word at all,

He came to a silver urn, it was narrow and tall.

I’ll serve you, Dear Master, and I’ll pour your wine,

and be at your table whenever you dine.

My lines are so graceful and my carvings so true,

and my silver would always compliment you.

Unheeding, the Master passed on to the brass,

it was wide mouthed and shallow and polished like glass.

Here, here, cried the vessel, I know I will do,

place me on your table for all men to view.

Look at me, cried the goblet of crystal so clear,

my transparency shows my contents are dear.

Though fragile am I, I’ll serve you with pride,

and I’m sure I’d be happy in your house to abide.

But the Master came next to a vessel of wood,

polished and carved, it solidly stood. Use me,

Dear Master, the wooden bowl said,

But I’d rather you’d use me for fruit, please

no bread.

Then the Master looked down and saw a vessel of

clay, empty, broken, it helplessly lay.

No hope had that vessel, that the Master might choose to

cleanse and make whole, to fill or to use. Ah, this

is the vessel I’ve been hoping to find. I’ll mend it and I’ll

use it and I’ll make it all Mine.

I need not a vessel with pride in itself,

not the one so narrow who sits on the shelf,

nor the one who’s big mouthed and shallow and loud,

not the one who displays its contents so proud,

not the one who thinks he can do all things just right,

but this plain earthen vessel filled with MY power and might.

Then gently He lifted the vessel of clay,

mended and cleansed it and filled it that day.

He spoke to it kindly, there’s work you must do.

You pour out to others and I’ll pour into you.

By : Beulah V. Cornwall

I'm trying to be more faithful!!

Even if its just to say H E L L O!

Its been busy this week at work. Season is coming and we are so short handed. Any nurses looking for per diem work??? :D

Over all things are going well, I'm learning my job, still getting to see patients, and teach the nurses to be better and good at what they do! I like it. Paycheck ain't half bad either! I LOVE working with my friend J...It so neat to have a fellow Christian AND friend working side by side. Half the day we are just dissolved into a bucket of giggles. I think we scared one of our nurses today!! She and I have taken to WALKING. Started on Monday. Walked about a mile. Then I was so pumped I came home and rode my bike about a mile and a half. I have bike butt today! OUCH, and now my calves are SCREAMING at me! But I'm gonna walk tomorrow, even if its just 1/2 a mile. I'm determined. (and she'll drag my butt to the walk path) I feel bad for her b/c she could easily be running this path, and I'm slowing her down, but she is willing to walk it with me!

Lets see. Not much else going on...I'm better from the weekend. Its the journey of IF. OK one minute, a blubbering idiot the next. It comes in waves, triggered by something that turns your would upside down. No one at work really knows our situation (J does)...So I get a lot of "Just you wait till your a mom", "why don't you have kids?", "You're YOUNG, you just enjoy being married".

YEA. OK.

Seven years of being married, I'm ready for a baby, a child, a kid to raise up in the Lord. So Um, ANY DAY NOW GOD!!! Sheesh. But again, I'm mostly OK most of the time. Take it a day here and there. SIGH...

Well it is bed time for ME...I'm sore and tired and have to work in the AM...Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Bittersweet....

Bittersweet. My dear friend H nailed it. I was describing to her our weekend.

One of my IF buddies came down to visit us with her hub and her miracle IVF babies. They are 20 mos old and absolutely fabulous girls! They ran me ragged to the point of an all afternoon nap yesterday! (Matt too!!) They are such an amazing miracle. Not only their creation, but that they survived her mother who needed over 4 months of bed rest to bring these little miracles safely in the world after needing IVF and IV medicine to shut down her natural killer cells that attacked the babies in-utero.

And yet, my heart is bittersweet.....

R was such a great friend and is not one who has "forgotten" her IF and the 6 year struggle of IF and loss she had endured. She gave me time and space with hugs and love through each step. She is pretty amazing like that. I loved holding her babies, praising God for their existence and the miracle of their little lives. And yet my heart was breaking inside for me. Just physical pain at the ache that comes from me lacking my own little ones. I held on to her one little girl, B...She and I hit it off and she was a snuggle bug. Crawling all over me, hugging me, blowing me kisses and snuggling close when she was sleepy...I held this little girl and imagined what it would be like if she was mine...To have my little girl snuggling with me. But she's not, and I don't know, and may never know what its like to have my little girl snuggling in my arms, rubbing my face and giving me kisses...

I cried myself to sleep, with my husband holding me...I don't even know if he was aware of the heartache I was experiencing. The ache of empty arms and a broken heart.

Yes I believe bittersweet is the perfect word....

Pictures as promised...

Well folks, I'm officially 31, and 2 days old...I've enjoyed having a several day long celebration of my birthday! Its been awesome! Hub and I went out to Taverna Opa (greek food) on my actual birthday on Monday. It was fun, but loud. They sang and threw napkins all over us. It was amusing! Then we went to see Couple's Retreat. Cute movie with some "close your eyes quick" scenes but overall pretty funny!!! Matt brought me home some beautiful roses. I really truly enjoyed my day, er um dayS. I figured I'd have a hard time, wanting my babies, another year coming and going. But I'm actually doing OK. Don't get me wrong, my heart aches for a child, but I've been able to just celebrate being ME and enjoy my time with family and friends!!! Its been lovely!! Oh and one more thing, I won a photography sitting with a teacher friend of mine! I'm so stoked! We wanted her to take our pictures, but didn't have the $$ for it. So I entered her contest and WON! A free portrait sitting with an 8x10! I'm so excited! :) Here is her blog if you want to see her work. I just think she is one talented chick!!!

www.jamilahscreativetouch.com

OK and now for the pictures! Have a blessed day in the Lord!


Our friends S and J














Um, drink? What whatcha talking about???














Oh THIS drink. Yes. Mine. YUM














My mom and dad














My Mom and dad in law













Horrid pic of me blowing out my candles. Guess what I wished for??? :D














My sister in law K.


















My H2 Crew. Happy hour girls!! D her mom P and J














Our dear friends J and R (our anniversary buds)













Everyone being silly














On our way to Taverna Opa. Trying to get a pic of my cuteness. Didn't work...


















Matt after the napkins were thrown!














Me with them too!














The flowers he bought me. Just playing around.

My Bday dinner.

So we went out tonight with about 20 something family and friends to Longhorn's to celebrate my bday!!! It was so much fun, and the food was fabulous! The waiters screwed up our bills and it took an hour and a half to sort, but you know our family, we just kept chillin' and talkin'!!!

It was so much fun and I feel so loved! Thank you everyone!!! Its going to be a weekend long celebration! :) My bday is actually on Monday, (31 YIKES!!!) but I'm all about celebrating for more then a day... hee hee.

Really I had a ton of fun. It just touched my heart that I have so many people who love me and care for me and wanted to share that time with me!!! I do have some pictures and I will post them later, as for now I'm going to bed as I am on call this weekend. (I wasn't thinking very clearly when I made the schedule. OOPS!!!)

Hope all is well with everyone. I'm hoping my followers will come back as I'm trying to write more! I promise!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Sunday, Sunday...

So as you can see, I've been fiddling around with my blog!! What do you think?? I love the pictures at the top, our desire, our hope, our prayer. Just looked cool to me, and the background just went with it so very nicely!!!

Life is BUSY! B-U-S-Y, BUSY! But good. Matt and I are doing well. We just celebrated our 7th year of marriage!! Its so hard to believe. So much time has passed...We are doing well tho. The Deeper Still conference was absolutely AMAZING! A beautiful time of worshiping God and growing in his word!! It was truly a blessed time!!! Food for my weary soul!! Then we had this amazing worship this weekend at church!! Its our 25th anniversary at church and we did 25 years of Worship. So we went through all the years of music and CD's and just worshiped God all evening! So fabulous!! Then Matt and I came home and we listened to our new CD from church and worshiped some more!!! Just a good ol' fashioned soul feedin'!

So I figured I'd post some pics from the weekend revival:

All the girls














Me and my friend M














Me and my friend S














S and M being their cute selves!













The three of us!!














And these are the pics from our anniversary outing with our friends J & R. It was their anniversary on the 18th and R's bday was the same as our anny, so we had tons to celebrate. We went to the melting pot and had a GRAND time!!! These are the flowers Matt sent me at work! They are still going strong 2 weeks later!!! (well 2 weeks tomorrow) Aren't they purdy? And then the pics of our anny outing!














R and J




























All of us














The fondue chocolate we got. It was YUMMY














R blowing our her candle


















Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!!!!!