But I'm bugging out on 30. I'm supposed to be a mom already!!! ARGH... I'm mad, and frustrated, and just down right sad about this whole IF life...I know its a number, but it was a GOAL. A goal I should have reached by now, that may never be reached. AND IT SUCKS!!
I'm tired of being stagnant, not moving, no where to go but to sit here and "take it". My friend posted on Facebook how she is breastfeeding her 11 day old daughter (child #3)...Talk about a punch in the gut! And you know, two of the nicest most deserving people! But again I ask, why not us? Or my friends, K & S, H & P, M & T (um no not us!), or S & D. WHY? Why not these lovely wonderful most deserving people? Why not us...
That is the never ending, never answered question isn't it?
I found myself googling RE's (reproductive endocrinologists) that are local. I have an RE but he is an hour away and has the personality of a toad and his office staff are just not very nice. They used to be, but now its all about the mighty dollar, and no one cares about the fact that you are hurting. So I found one in Wellington near us, and actually emailed the poor man a NOVEL of an email. I told him all about us, what we have, what we did, and inquired about IVF/ICSI.
I know realistically we are coming off of a 4 month BAD TIME and don't have the money. But maybe if I KNOW what I need to save, I can start putting money in some kind of fund to grow for our "IVF" fund... Do fundraisers and such... I don't know. I'm just so blasted frustrated!
I apologize my dear readers for being a freaking yo-yo the last few weeks, some is hormones, the rest is just the general heartache, frustration, and hurt that comes with this lovely journey. I don't know if the doc will email me back, but at least it was a step. I DID something. However pointless that something is...
Sigh, I need prayers, as always...Because today, is not at all a good day...
4 comments:
(((Talley)))
So sorry that you are hurting.... praying for you, friend...
Tally, I'm so sorry. I did want to ask if you emailed Dr. Roseff? He is my reproductive endocrinologist, although, at this point I only see him for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and Thyroid Disease/Hashimotos. We have not been actively trying so I just went to him to try to get healthy before trying. He is a wonderful doctor. praying for you.
OH MY GOODNESS CAROLYN! Its the same Doc and he wrote me back and was so sweet!! Not only that HE IS ON OUR INSURANCE!! We're gonna call for a consult tomorrow!! YAY Thank you for prayers ladies!
Honey, I hated 30...I turned 30 on July 5th... Let me back up my time line a bit. I learned that we had lost our twin girls on July 2nd. I had a D&C on July 7th. STUPID TURDY 30 BIRTHDAY!
I was already dreading 30 & this made it worse. My friends came out & we tried to have a little party. I couldn't do it. I couldn't be happy. I went to bed at 8pm that Saturday night.
Been there, know how it feels. 30 SUCKS.
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