Waiting waiting waiting.

So we are still waiting. Forever. Its TAKING forever!!! ARGH.

SIGH.

OK so little embie is still tucked safely away in my womb, waiting to find out if s/he stuck or not. I'm not feeling one way or the other to be honest, all tho headaches and fatigued, which could be either - or + as it is my PMS signs too.

But we are continuing to enjoy our PUPO self. Enjoy the fact that little one is nestled in there and praising God for his/her creation. Because that alone is a miracle. We didn't even know if we could MAKE little ones!!!

Matt's been wonderful, taking care of me, loving on me, just making sure I rest, hydrate and take care of me and the little one. Now if only this can continue another 9 or so months!!!!

Even while waiting, we choose to Praise God. Worship Him, love Him. In ALL things. There was a song I posted a LONG time ago called "While I'm Waiting". It is the theme song to the movie Fireproof, but it is so perfect for our life. I will serve you while I'm waiting, I will worship while I'm waiting. CHOOSING to praise God and hold on to HOPE. Not so easy, but we can do it, with God's love and support.

So nothing new, just waiting. Worship and serve with me while we wait together for news of our little one! Have a blessed day in the Lord!!!

Quick Post

B/c I'm not supposed to be upright too too much...

But we are PUPO!!!! yay! We have a little embryo snuggled safely inside me waiting to attach and grow over the next 9 months!! We still have 9 other embryos, we are waiting to see if they are freezable tomorrow or Thursday. We are so grateful to God!

Process was fairly easy (all tho a cold metal speculum is a major Valium buzz killer!) and I've been resting all day. And I will be out cold tomorrow too. Have a bunch of folks coming to hang with me and help out!! I'm so blessed!!!

OK so here you go, our first picture!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Ponderings of a hormonal girl...

OK hormonal woman. OK RAGING hormonal woman!!! :-) I've been sitting and thinking and pondering about our little embryos and the transfer tomorrow. I've felt like crap pretty much all day, gaggy-pukey-pain-ickiness all around, but its funny, it has me thinking MORE about what is to come.

I am a mom. Now I don't know or really care so much about what your belief is on life at conception or at 20 wks or when baby takes his first breath. To each their own. But Matt and I? We believe in life at conception. At the time part of him and part of me mingle together and form 2 cells then 4 cells. We believe that we have 10 little children, currently cell shaped, waiting for our decision of what we will do.

In this case 1 or 2 will be put back safely in my womb where Lord willing he/she will grow for 9 more months and pop out say next April/May. But its surreal to think, Matt and I have created a life, lots of little lives!! that is just so overwhelming to me! And a blessing and a MIRACLE! Its mind boggling.

Our prayer of course is to hold a couple of these little cells in my arms as a full grown baby, but for now, I'm just resting in the fact that we have LIFE. Tomorrow begins the next days of the rest of our life, and for today, I just want to rejoice, for tomorrow, those little ones could be gone until this side of heaven.

As I said, ramblings of a hormonal girl. Physically I'm feeling better tonight then I was today, but I'm quite weary of feeling so crappy. I pray it passes and tomorrow is uneventful. Amazingly, Matt wasn't gonna be able to come with me and mom was going to take me and be with me when they did the transfer. But Apple decided to rearrange schedules for the new iPhone launch and low and behold they gave Matt Tuesday off!! Not even knowing he needed it! HOW AWESOME IS THAT!!??!! So My hubby gets to be WITH me in the same room when I get PUPO. (Such a better thought then getting knocked up with him in another county! HA) What a blessing, God is so good!

OK off to bed with me and my swollen body parts, for tomorrow I become preggie. Hopefully for a very long 9 months!! In all things, to God be the glory and His will be done. Will you rejoice with me today? As God has allowed life to come of this! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

WE have....

10 little embryos!!!!

praise God!!! Got the report yesterday that 10 of my eggs fertilized. Got the report THIS MORNING that they are THRIVING and doing well! 8 of them are grade 1 or A and 2 of them are grade 2 or B. They are doing so well, they are waiting until a day 5 transfer to see which are the BEST to transfer back into my belly....

I'm so excited!! Praising JESUS! I'm the mommy of 10 little ones!!!

I'm feeling OK, still pretty beat up and sore. Been resting and drinking tons of fluids and well, that is pretty much it. I'll go back to work on Monday then I'll be off Tues/Wed for transfer and bedrest... Then we'll have to wait until Mid July for results! Gonna be a loooong wait!!! But I'm confident that God's hand is in all this and I will be able to PRAISE HIM while I wait!!

OK going back to bed. Bad storm is coming too!! Hope everyone is well! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

My new favorite number....

14! :-)

Praise Jesus, they got 14 eggies out of me today. I'm sore and tired, and still bloaty and uncomfortable, but overall I'm doing pretty good. I've got border line OHSS and am pounding the gatorade/water/protein and rest. I'm also on a medication that for the life of me, i have no idea what it does!! Can't find the research online for why its used for OHSS, but I'm trusting the doc. I met Dr. W today. Shes very sweet spirited and has a bit of humor as well!! The whole team today was wonderful and I was out in la la land prior to feeling ANYTHING!! Woke up uncomfortable, gave me pain meds, and i was better. How nice.

I'm so glad they kept me home tomorrow b/c I don't think I could sit for 9 hrs at a desk and be coherent to answer medical questions.

So we'll have our embryo report tomorrow and they'll decide on a day 3 or day 5 transfer. How ironic that my embies may be inside me on FATHER'S DAY! How cool is that?? Just pretty amazing. God is just so good!

Please pray for my little ones, that they grow and thrive and ultimately stick inside of me!!! I'm currently wiped out and going to bed. Pain meds and sleep, here I come!! Have a blessed day in the LORD!!!

Egg Retrival

TOMORROW! I'm so excited. I"M SO HOOOOOT!!!!! ARGH.

My E2 today: 4077 YIKES!!!

So needless to say I'm warm and bloated and READY!!!

OK that's it, not much to say. I'm ready to burst, I'm off the next few days and I'm READY!!! WOO HOOO!!! Continued prayers please!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Hooray!!!

Its TRIGGER TIME!!!

OH YAY OH YAY OH YAY!!! I'm triggering tonight! Egg retrieval (ER) is on Thursday at 930am...PRAISE YOU JESUS b/c I'm so uncomfortable!!! I have to do my trigger shot at 1130pm tonight!!!! and my E2 went from 1790 to 2900!!!

The nurse called and said, "Um your E2 went up a bit more then expected, so you need to pound the gatorade and protein". Yea no kidding it went up, I can tell!!! Phew I'm so bloated! them 20 eggs are ready to HATCH! Or be laid would be more accurate! HA!

I'm so ready, I'm gonna try and work tomorrow if I can. We'll see how it goes, b/c I want to take Friday off AFTER ER, so I can rest for the weekend. Then my little babies will be back in me either Sunday, Monday or Tuesday!!!!!

EEK!!! GUYS!! This time next week I'll be PUPO (preggers until proven otherwise)!!! I CAN'T BELIEVE ITS HERE!!!!!!!

I'm just so stinkin' excited, that I'm not noticing how incredibly miserable I am physically! The joys of a high E2, nausea, lots and lots of nausea. I lived on crackers, gingerale and gatorade today. OIY....

OK off to bible study then mom's renter (our good friend), Trish, is gonna do my trigger shot. I can't do the shot in my butt by myself! YOWSA! OK so tomorrow is gonna be not fun, but I'm gonna hang in there, we're almost done! YAY!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Today's update....

So today is day 10 of Stim. GAG ME. I'm not done. But almost.

E2 was in the 1700's, I don't even remember
and my follies were all 16-19...I need 19-21.

They are pretty sure I'll trigger tomorrow and retrieval on Thursday. Here's the fun part of today. I met a chick who I've been, just observing the last couple of days. We are apparently on the same schedule. Anyway her significant other (s/o) is in a wheelchair. Well I've been asking God for a chance to introduce and share Matt and my story with her. Well today the window opened wide. She is a cute thing! Cheery and talkative and very outgoing. She shared in my tears of pain with my ovaries the size of Texas and how this well, sucks! Anyway so then I shared my lovely hub is in a w/c also and a bit of our story. And come to find out, at an RE that is an hour away, we live in the same town! Like 2 miles down the road! Its pretty cool!!

It was nice, not only to meet someone who understands IF, b/c the whole disability thing. Its cool, we hit it off immediately. So we shall be back tomorrow for our u/s and bloodwork. Ley sigh...Maybe our hubs will meet the day of retrieval and get to know each other.

I know, I'm rambling...Its the hormones. Time for some dinner (and watermelon and pineapple, YUM) and bed. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Weary weary am I....

Day 9 of Stim.

My ovaries feel like they are going to explode! We have made great progress. Every follie is between 13-16. We trigger somewhere around 19-21. I'm just PRAYING that they are there by tomorrow. I'm so weary, so uncomfortable, so hormonal, just very overwhelmed.

I have no clue how someone can do this over and over and over again. I'm worn out!!! Thankfully my mommy let me vent and cry and then she came over and helped me around the house. Thank you mommy! She is the best!! I know its almost over, but if I trigger tomorrow, I won't have retrieval until Wednesday. An eternity away!!! And its only gonna get worse when I trigger. I may even have to stay home because my ovaries will be so large and just sitting is awful!!! UGH...

My estrogen was 1132 today. in one day it went up 400 points. OIY VEY! I'm going back tomorrow, and have pre op as well...I have to get a hold of the anesthesiologist for pre op too but so far the number has been busy busy busy...

So we are almost there, I know we are. I think I can do this. I think I can I think I can! Please continue to pray!! I know I can't do this without God holding me and carrying me through!!! Please Lord get me to retrieval, and then we can go from there!!! Thank you for all of you who are loving us and supporting us through! I can't do this without each and every one of your prayers and support!!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Just an update....

Day 8 of stim. I'm exhausted and have to go back in the morning, so I'm gonna make it real quick.

Estrogen was 791 which is holy moly!!
Lt ovary still has 12 follies all between 10-13
rt ovary still has 8 follies between 10-12

I'm getting weary. The poking the prodding, I'm not thrilled that I have to go back tomorrow morning, but I will b/c its what I'm supposed to do. I think I'm just tired and I'm so incredibly uncomfortable. Please continue to pray for us!!!

Off to bed, have a blessed day in the Lord!

Moving right along....

Today is day 6 of Stim. OOO I need my one shot, hang on, I'll be back....

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So today is day 6 of stim...I had my appt at the RE this morning. Phew 530am wake up calls are quite exhausting, then, b/c I was late, I don't really get a lunch, so it makes for a very very VERY long exhausting day. But I'll survive! So stats from today:

Estrogen: 274 (WOW! I more then tripled in 2 days! EEK.)
I have 12 follicles on my Left now!! And they are all measuring approx 8-11mm
I have 8 follies on my right now. (that is a total of EIGHT more by the way!) also about 8-10mm

They are pleased, I'm stimming quite nicely and jointly. Everything is about the same size and getting bigger every day...I can FEEL the difference now. I'm most definitely poochier and more uncomfortable, but still quite bearable. I have a feeling that is going to change. I was also told I may have to stay home and reclined the day BEFORE retrieval as when you trigger it brings all the follicles to maturation and preps them to be "ovulated" but they plan on pulling them out (with a needle. gulp.) before then. But it can be very uncomfortable to be sitting and squashing them. Thankfully my boss is like "whatever you need, just let me know!!". She's awesome!!! I'm so excited that THEY are excited. Makes the process easier knowing I don't have to push myself to the extremes.

So Saturday I go back to the RE for my next scan. We shall see from there...I'm guessing I'll be ready to trigger on Monday and have my retrieval on Wednesday. But its just a guess, so we shall see....

So I have to tell you, one of my dear dear bestest buds, H, who is a fellow IFer, is currently at the hospital laboring and having her miracle baby. AND today is their 15th wedding anniversary!!! This is their first little one to make it to term and he/she is making his/her appearance TONIGHT!!! I'm so stoked...I can't even begin to tell you how amazing and miraculous and just awesome it is that this little one is on their way!! My heart is overflowing with joy for them!! We are still waiting impatiently, but this will be a glorious day!!!!! I'll give you details and MAYBE a picture later (if she lets me post one! hee hee)

OK well my sore self is gonna go veg. I'm quite tired, an unfortunate side effect. Maybe its preparation. HA! Hope all is well with everyone. Continued prayers are appreciated. Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Day 4 of Stim and update....

So I am home in my AIR CONDITION! Praise God! And we got our van back today too. GULP...AND I paid some money to the RE today. Its been an expensive day! YOWSA....Oh well, whatcha gonna do about it, right?

SO here is my update...

E2 : 81.6 they like to see it doubling every 2-3 days, so we are on track!
Follies: there seems to be 12 pulling away from the pack. 6 on the right, 6 on the left, but its still really early to tell. They are all 7-9mm. The vast majority need to be 20mm in size for them to trigger for retrieval. It looks like we are just about 1/3 way through stim. Possibly next Tues or Wed for retrieval?? YAY!!!

I was just thinking how this time next week, I will be a mom. I will have little embryos that are in a petry dish that are my offspring. I know not everyone believes embryos are life, but Matt and I believe that life starts at conception, and these will be my children. That is just so cool to me. Matt and I have never been preggie that we know of, so we have no children waiting for us in heaven, we have no legacy that we've left behind, its just us. And for some reason, it is soothing to me that these little embies will be formed, my cells, Matt's cells, creating a life, however long or short that life may be. Knowing that I have that is somehow in a strange way comforting to my hurting IF heart.

Silly I know. And of course, my hope is that this little one(s) become my "take home baby" that I will love for as long as God gives them to me. I'm a little all over the place in my thought process, I think the E2 is eating up my brain cells, or prepping me for shear exhaustion, one or the other. I know I'm not making much sense, but we'll just leave it at the fact that its a comfort for me.

So I go back on Thursday for my next scan. I'm definitely growing something cuz, I mean I know I'm a chunky girl, but my belly is swelling!!! And that mixed with the bruises, oh yea I'm looking fine! Thank God matt loves me and ALL my jiggley/bruised/deformed parts! HA!

OK off to poke and veg on the couch! Have a blessed day in the Lord!

Day 3 of stim...

So on Saturday I went to the RE and started on Stims. Theoretically, my E2 or estrogen level will get in the thousands, whereas on a normal cycle, it usually peaks anywhere from 300-600. And I did say thousands, it may be well over 4000 when we are retrieving the eggs!! Crazy right?? So here ya go, my STATS. This is my base line. (and for my IF buds, I'm taking 75u of Menopur 2x day, 75u of Follistim 2 x day, and 5u of Lupron each night.)

Here are the stats:
Estrogen: 38.6
Follicles: 30+ teeeeeny tiny ones that Lord willing won't all mature. We're hoping that 10-15 pull away and mature.

I'm doing OK with the shots. Its 3 shots a day with 3 different medications. They burn, I'm bruised but hey, its for a good purpose. I'm hangin' in there!! I'm feeling OK right now. Not real side effecty, just a lot of headaches/hot flashes, but I'm getting through.

Our car is a grand total of $1564. Good golly miss molly, but we have a pretty good case against Jiffy Lube. So I plan on writing one of my letters/novels whatever you wanna call it, and presenting them with the hopes that they will pay us back for the damages. One can dream. We will even have the radiator and core parts that were damaged. I love my mechanic though, he is going out of his way to get this done as fast as possible b/c Matt is w/o his accessible vehicle. What a blessing they are!

I came to the A/C being broken as well. Its just not a good week and its only Monday. When you are a furnace that is ready to self combust, and the house is 87 degrees, well lets just say I was a puddle on the floor in tears! OIY. Our fab A/c man is coming tomorrow (sadness) and I'm headed to Mom's house to sleep! There is no longer a bed for me there, but there is a couch and 75degree air! SOLD! Matt is gonna tough it out, its really not affecting him!!

OK that's it for now. Off to mom's house. I'll give you the stats on my stuff tomorrow after the appointment. For now I continue poking and growing some eggs!! Have a blessed day in the Lord.

I figured....

Why not two posts in a row???

B/c I'm awesome like that! HA!

I'm actually exhausted. That is what I am. It was a rough day at work, rough day at home, rough day all around. Our Van is currently in the hospital being tended too. After finding out RED coolant and GREEN coolant can't be mixed and will turn in to sludge and destroy a radiator which in turn null and voids a warranty, the day just went down hill after that. Especially after Chrysler said, "That will be $2500 please...". AH! WHAT??? Ya, crazy I know. Who knew there was multi color coolant?? And apparently there is PINK coolant too! I want pink coolant. Its purdy!

So apparently, even though red and green go together when you are talking Christmas and elves and Santa's reindeer, it does NOT go together in a car. I have thick orange GUNK in my radiator, water pump and the entire coolant system that has in turn corroded and DESTROYED the system. Thank you Jiffy Lube, who had no clue that Chrysler used only RED and they put in the standard GREEN and it congealed into an expensive, non warranty covered mess. LEY SIGH.

So after about peeing my pants and losing it on the phone (don't they know I'm on Lupron????), my poor father taking several trips to Chrysler, a $75 fee to LOOK at my gunkified car, triple A, a $30 towing fee and the WHOLE FREAKING DAY, my car is now safely in the hands of MY mechanic, Frank, and will cost more like $1000 then the $2500. Maybe less. Still a number that makes me want to hide in a corner and suck my thumb while rocking back and forth moaning, but a little bit more palatable then the whopper of a number that Chrysler gave me. And yes we do plan on getting this all in writing and going to Jiffy Lube Corporate and requesting they pay for the damages, seeing as they are the ones that caused it, all though it was unbeknownst to them as I talked to the Jiffy Lube man today and he had NO CLUE what I was talking about with mixing coolants. So Frank my new BFF has the car in his place and will be checking it out on MONDAY! ACK!! Did I mention he is out of town THIS weekend of all weekends?? Poor Matt is STRANDED! We shall be lugging him around town in his manual chair and my lovely Toyota. Thankfully we bought the 'Yota b/c of its fabulous trunk space that is PERFECT for a folding wheelchair. Now we get to try it out!

Again, SIGH is coming to mind.

So I spent the evening writing thank you cards to all of you wonderful fabulous folks that helped out and came to the BBQ! We are so blessed!!! We raised just about 1/2 of what we THINK we need, and I even have more donations coming in. (And just a quick plug: more will always be excepted! HA!! :D ) We are eternally grateful at the love and support we have gotten!! We are BLESSED! Even with a sludgy radiator and water pump.

In all things GOD IS STILL GOOD!!! mumble, grumble, mumble grumble. OK God, I will wait upon you and hold on for dear life!! OK, it is apparent that I'm tired. I have to be up by 5:30AM tomorrow to be in Margate by 7:00AM, which I take the turnpike to drive to, and my lovely husband just reminded me that the Sunpass is in the van...which is in the shop...which is closed until Monday. Sigh, what a day what a day.

Have a blessed day in the Lord!

It is almost time!

I can't believe we start stim on Saturday! THIS IS CRAZY!!! I'm just WEEKS away from knowing if I'm gonna be a mommy or not. That's nuts!! Just WEEKS!!! After YEARS, in just a few short weeks I'll know.

Wow.

That is crazy.

So Saturday morn I go in for an u/s and blood work, then start on the THREE shots a day in my belly instead of one. I'm doing OK with the injection, just found that it HURTS on the left, and no pain to the right. But you have to rotate the sites around so that the belly doesn't get too lumpy. I've bruised a little, so I have little black dots on my tum, but no one sees my belly but hubby, so we're good!

I must admit I have had a few psychotic episodes with the Lupron. Especially with the birth control pills AND add in a steroid pack for good measure when I developed a sinus infection last week. So I got a little wonky, but Matt loves me and forgives me. THANK GOD! Overall, the side effects have been hot flashes, not sleeping well and headaches. All which I can deal with and heck, probably just preparing me for when baby comes! HA!

We went to Liz and Isaac's (Matt's sister and now our brother in law!) wedding this weekend. It was BEAUTIFUL!! We did get rained on, but it wasn't to bad. It was on a horsie farm out in Dade City outside of Tampa. There were beautiful willow trees with Spanish moss hanging down. Horses running by. Oh it was picturesque!! We danced and partied, and had a GREAT time. It was so awesome seeing all of Matt's family, brothers, their wives, our nieces and nephew. We just really enjoyed ourselves. Its sad that we had to say goodbye, knowing it will probably be a year or more before we see them again.

I have pictures, but there are just so many, well I'm lazy and don't feel like posting! HA! They will eventually be on Facebook, and most of you see me there anyway.

So nothing awe inspiring or grand going on. Just preparing, and praying and gearing up for the next to last round!!! I should have some embryo's safely in my womb in about 3 weeks, give or take!!! I can't wait to be PUPO status, which stands for "PREGNANT UNTIL PROVEN OTHERWISE". I'm ready to be a pampered princess!! hee hee. That is just amazing to me!! GOD IS SO GOOD!!! Please continue to pray for peace as we walk this journey. Matt is having some stupid heads at work right now, and the stress is a lot. Please keep us lifted up! THANK YOU!!!

We hope everyone is well!! Have a blessed day in the Lord!